Showing posts with label screamapillar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label screamapillar. Show all posts

Friday, November 30, 2012

I'm baaack....

Okay, yeah, scold me all you like, I was BUSY for heaven's sake.

But it's nice to know that both of you missed me, loyal readers.

Prepare yourself for a slew (a positive SLEW) of posts. They may or may not be very interesting, or funny or anything, but there will be something to read anyway....


First up: where I disappeared to.

My kid was in a play. Here she is, the harlot.



And being the completly insane person I am, I volunteered to costume the entire production. Partly because I'm really, really stupid, but mostly because it was 
Les Miserables.

Wanna see some more? 

Our incredible Fantine was a 15 year old gril who was the most amazing singer. You would have loved her.



Our Valjean (seen here with his convict cohorts) was wonderful also. Jack E. Sparrow's little brother, actually.

There were factory workers:




And peasants:


And soldiers:


And rebellious students:  


And a wedding:



And let's not forget the Thernardier's....


You see, I spent many many many nights up late. Many nights where I skipped sleep altogether. You may blame much sleeplessness on Enjolras and his lovely vest: 



If I had truly appreciate that I would have over 70 cast members, some of whom had up to six costume changes, I'm not sure I would have been so eager to volunteer.


If these kids had been any less awesome, it would have been a chore. As it was, they were a delight to work with, and they made me cry. Often.


 A good time was had by all. Audience, Cast and Tech alike. Wouldn't have missed it for the world.

And I'm mostly caught up on my lost sleep now.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Always with the jokes, my kiddos.

Today I came home from work and nearly blew a gasket because of the condition of the kitchen. I've been putting in a lot of extra hours due to graduation at BYU, and didn't get home until well after six (as I have for more than three weeks now). The kitchen looked like it had been hit by a tornado, and I was looking forward to making steak fajitas when I got home tonite. No dice. No clean dishes, either.

Screamapillar bore the brunt of my anger, because she was sitting at my computer multi-tasking - wandering around Facebook and playing on a game boy at the same time.

"WHY DIDN'T you clean the kitchen? You've had HOURS since you got home from school, probably just SITTING AROUND ON YOUR BUTT NOT DOING ANYTHING!!!"

"Actually, Mom, I did lie around on my stomach a little."




***GRRR***

but she is forgiven for making me laugh.....


another gem from recently was posted on my facebook, here it is in case you missed it:  

A conversation overheard at my house today:
Thing One: "Jake, go get me a can of tuna from the pantry." 
Luke Skywalker: "But I don't like tuna, it smells BLEGH." 
Screamapillar: "So? You smell 'BLEGH,' doesn't mean that you're not good on the inside."


The Prom post is pending still, due to too many hours at work, and too much time haggling over white dresses....no announcement today, but soon....
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Friday, April 13, 2012

And It Came to Pass....

So as we've mentioned before, our entire family is comprised of nerds. And we've unintentionally developed this fun little habit called "The Book of (Our Last Name)." The basic idea is that we narrate our family adventures in scripture verse formatting. It most frequently happens when one member of the family ventures out on their own, or if we are telling someone about our adventures. Daddy did it when he went to Mexico, and I've done it a few times on choir tour.

Screamapillar recently went on her own choir tour. Here is her contribution to the Book.

1 And on the third day, it came to pass that the choirs went to prison, and they perished not for the jail was called Alcatraz, and the people did rejoice in it.

2 And it also came to pass that the choir was segregated and passed on to the pier, and ate much food, and their bellies were full, and they did rejoice.

3 And it came to pass that the choirs were separated again. And [Screamapillar] did go to the aquarium, yea, into the belly of the ocean, and did see many fish. And when they emerged from the waters , they did touch the fin of a stingray, and the back of a shark.

4 It then came to pass that they traveled to Ripleys Believe It or Not Museum, and there were many speculations, and [Screamapillar] did buy many keychains.

5. And it then came to pass that the choirs came together in much rejoicing, for they were commanded to board the cruise. And upon the boat they did eat much food. And they did see many marvelous sights.

6 And they did travel again to the hotel Embassy Suites and there was much rejoicing. And the choirs did gather together in the rooms and did to hair and there was little sleep in room 217, for the Spirit was strong.

7 And they did awaken with tired eyes, and on the fourth day they did go downstairs to fill their bellies once more. And they ate much meat from beasts and many roots  and they did travel again until San Jose and they sang unto the Lord.

8 And they did travel again and there was much rejoicing for they had arrived at 6 Flags. But alas their rejoicing was cut short for they had to perform.

9 And after their performance they recieved their freedom to adventure out to 6 Flags, and at the hour of 1 PM they did fill their bellies again, and there was much rejoicing.

10 And they did play British Bulldog and Anna did sprain her ankle, and there was much sorrow in the land.

11 And the people did venture again into the land of 6 Flags.

12 And it came to pass that the leader of the people of room 217 did grow faint and was ridden with many ills. And she did return to her family, and a new leader was called for the people, and her name was Wiser.

13 And the choirs did return to their hotel, and all the females could not enter their rooms, for the keys had been removed of their enchantments.

14 And the women did cry unto their leaders, saying "Wherefor shall we go, fo we have no bed to rest upon?" And wherefore their leaders were wise and said unto them, "Have faith, and we shall be delivered."

15 And the people were patient and did play many games. And soon, a great miracle came to pass, and the people were delivered from their bondage. And the people did rejoice.

16 And on the fifth day, it came to pass that they did awaken early, and their was much reoicing, for the day was called Easter, a day of celebration.

17 And the people of room 217 did find many colored spheres scattered throughout the land. And they did gather them together and count them.

18 And when all the spheres had been collected, they did once again fill their bellies with the roots of the earth and the meat of beasts, and they did gather their belongings and venture again into the world.

19 And the leaders of the people loved them, in as much so that they had crafted baskets of sweets and they did eat the contents wherein, and did witness many movies.

20 And they did go up into the mountain, and began to grow weary, for their bodies had become faint for lack of food.

21 And the leaders did witness to the people that they must travel to a town called Reno, and they would receive food.

22 And it came to pass the the choirs did return to the promised land, after much journeying. And there was much rejoicing.


So all in all, Screamapillar had quite the adventure and did return to her family in one piece.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

It's only October 11...

...but I don't have ANY of my Halloween deco up yet. Other important things seem to be filling my time, more on those another day.

My family threatened me.

"There will BE NO POST EVERY DAY IN OCTOBER LIKE LAST YEAR!"

I don't know what got them so riled up. I only put pumpkin on my own face last year in my vain attempt to have something to blog about every day....

This year I'm taking lots of pitchers.

Lots and lots of pitchers.

And so far, I'm having the same problem I had last year: my own kids are impossible to shoot. Just the other day Thing Two got his braces off! I asked for a before and after shot and here is what I got:



Thank you, son, for that lovely peek at your new smile. Can I kill you now?

And Screamapillar wanted a new profile picture for Facebook, and we hadn't gotten around to family pictures yet because I wanted to lose 150 lbs. first (apparently not happening unless I amputate something). She wanted to get pitchers with the sunflowers before they all died off, and here we are!

I should mention that she has a bit of sensitivity to sunlight. Let's start with some photos where she has her back to the sun and we use the reflector:

Hmmm. That didn't go as well as I hoped. Let's try again:


Still, not what we were looking for. That last one would have been okay if it had only been in focus. Let's try turning her around so we don't have to bounce light into her eyes with the reflector, maybe that will help:

Wow. Those are.......attractive! One more time, perhaps:
 Interesting that she thought these would be better than the soccer picture I posted on facebook which is why I am currently receiving the silent treatmenf from my third-born:



Okay, there's got to be ONE good one in the 62 pictures I took!




There it is! What a lovely girl she is when she is not being blinded.
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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

How to properly measure stairs

It's time once again for a tutorial. Much needed information that I, the expert in all things, will share with you lowly plebian life forms.

This tutorial is born of a project I have been planning. You see, I have some ugly stairs. They have cheap carpet that desperatly needs replacing. Here's what I have in mind:


http://loftandcottage.blogspot.com/2011/06/diy-nailhead-stair-runner.html


Lovely, isn't it? In order to accomplish this, I have to complete the following steps:

1. Rip out the old carpeting

2. Repair any existing damage to steps and risers

3. Paint and/or stain

4. Measure rise and run to determine the amount of runner carpet to install.

5. (Buncha more steps to install carpet that I may discuss in a further tutorial. Today, we measure.)


There a number of ways to accomplish step 4. Most involve complex calculations with the rise and run, number of steps, etc.

The way I'm going to demonstrate is SO much easier!!

Here's what you need:

Pencil

Paper

Measuring tape

Teenager with at least four limbs.


HERE'S HOW IT'S DONE:




TAAA DAAAAAA!!

Thank you for tuning in for today's tutorial!

And a special thanks to Screamapillar for the use of her limbs.
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Monday, March 7, 2011

Sweet Sixteen Party - On a Budget

Yeah. On a budget.

I'll never be on one of the tv shows about over the top Sweet Sixteen parties. Because frankly, I have other things to spend my meager funds on. Like food. And shelter.

But, man, we had one amazing and fun party last weekend. And we didn't break the bank.

Our Invitations were CUSTOM MADE....at home by me & my kid. Screamapillar and I spent under three dollars on paper and embellishments, and made 45 invitations. Why 45? Because I'm so very stupid...



The larger group was invited via a facebook event, and that was free. I got pretty lucky, actually, as many of her friends are drama kids who were unable to attend due to a play performance that evening followed by a cast party.

It's not a party until you Decorate. For us this means 47,312,061 curled ribbons hanging from the ceiling. This is skilled labor, because they must be perfectly curled....or not.


Usually, decorating involves an exorbinant amount of balloons as well, but there was an....incident....that prevented me from making it out of the house even once the entire day (okay, I was violently ill and sleeping for much of the day where I wasn't tossing cookies, so it was a really good thing that I wasn't involved in any food prep and that Wren came over to play "auxillary mom" because anyone who had any usable skills was elsewhere on Saturday!). So we used what we had on hand: water balloons. And more ribbon. I did not spend a dime here, as everything was already in the party box. Oh, wait - I did buy a roll of tape.



No comments are necessary on the lameness of my front door. We did our best. And yes, it needs to be painted. I will welcome suggestions as to color. Back to the party commentary, please.

Choose your battles. Yes, I make and decorate great Birthday Cakes. But I knew that I would be cleaning and decorating the house until the last minute, and I was expecting the population of Madagascar to show up, so I cheated and ordered one from Costco. Thank you, Costco. You never disappoint. It was yummy, and cute, and all I had to do was send Hubby to pick it up.


It had the added bonus of being an item that was to be intentionally lit of fire.
Teenagers + Fire = Fun.

Teenage boys eat lots of Food. I know this because I have a lot of experience with teenage boys. They live at my house AND date my daughters. And they eat (so do teenage girls, but they are more discreet and less desperate looking about it). So meager bowls of candy and chips would likely be insufficient for the hoard that was expected to invade my domicile. Solution? Nacho Bar! I worked concessions at the University, and ran concessions for the football games at the high school for a couple years as a choir fundraiser. Nachos were always a big hit without a big outlay of cash. I also had some grapes and carrots with dip - seriously - if I made a veg tray, they would only have eaten the carrots anyway. Then lemonade and water to drink. Oh, and the Yoda Soda (pictured below). They liked it. They were happy. And I was not depelted of funds.



Entertainment was easy. Teenagers are easily amused, and generally can entertain themselves. I helped the process along a bit by making a Very Embarrassing Video of the Screamapillar, which I made the group watch. It was a tremenous success, even though she was completely humiliated.

 Here is the Screamapillar, trying valiantly not to die of embarrassment while all her friends sing along to the music on the video at an alarming decibel level. They also spent some of the time watching Brian Regan videos on NetFlix. Good clean fun.

Games were pretty easy too, and we only managed two of the three we had planned, and they were "awesome," according to the kiddos. First was Cracker Back. The idea here is three fold:



One -- Thread a string through the holes of a saltine cracker.

Note: if you are a boy, claim that your fingers are too oversized and manly and ask the pretty girl next to you for some assistance. This part of the game could almost stand alone. It encourages cooperation between the sexes. And creates an avenue for mild flirtation (which is the desirable underlying element of EVERY game when you are sixteen).



Two -- tie the threaded cracker to your center back beltloop. See Note above as to how this is to be  achieved.


Three: Each person gets a rolled up newspaper, and tries to smack and break everyone else's cracker without getting their own cracker broken.

Additional note: If you have an "outside" you might want to send them there. And do this before it gets too late so your neighbors do not hate you quite as much.

Holy crap, but they loved this game.

Next up? Bigger and Better Scavenger Hunt.
I spent many hours of my youth participating in this very fun waste of time. The rules? Divide into groups. Each group starts with a single paperclip. Travel from house to house. Convince whoever answers the door to give you something "bigger or better" than the paper clip. Go to the next house and trade that item for something "bigger or better." Rinse, and repeat. You can't go to your own house. Items will not be returned. You cannot trade for things that draw breath (house plants okay -- snakes not so much). Be back by the specified time or your group is disqualified.

(this activity offered the added benefit of emptying 40 teenagers from my home for one peaceful hour.)

Before long, these items appeared in my front yard:  propane tank, tire, spinning wheel, gallon of pancake syrup, television set, bicycle frame, and a window pane.



Screamapillar's group was ten minutes late and disqualifed, so we made her be the judge. The had to "sell the product" and convince her why their object was "bigger or better."



One group came back with a person (because I forgot to mention the "breathing" rule) and won for "better," solely because of the "saucy pose" struck by the person brought back. The tv came in first for "bigger" because of it's tremendous weight. Anybody want to haul the other stuff out of my yard, please?

Here's the breakdown:
Invitations $3
Costco cake $17
Nachos w/toppings, veg and drinks $28
Decorations $0.99  
Games $ 2.17 (saltines)
Yoda soda $6
(paper goods already on hand leftover from 'cul-de-sac of fire')
So my party cost $1.27 per invited guest.

*** ascend soapbox ***

Recently, in a nearby city, a mother hosted a birthday party for a six year old. It made the papers.

I can think of a lot better things to do with $32,000, and not one dollar would be spent on spoiling my child and giving them an unrealistic entitlement attitute. Next year, if we play "bigger and better" we (the teenagers and I) discussed how it might also be used to collect a can of food at each house and donate it to the food bank.  Hmmm. Good idea.

*** descend from soapbox ***



 There were some fantastic, right minded teenagers at my house. They didn't ask for much, just some good clean fun. They were polite and well behaved, kind and inclusive of one another. They sang "Happy Birthday" to my daugher very loud, and deliberately off key in different tempos (see photo above). They laughed, they joked, they sang along to the video and seemed to have a great time. They offered thanks as they went out the door. They loved my kid enough to show up.

It was awesome.
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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Happy Birthday!

Today is a special day!
Screamapillar turns 16!!!!!
Hard to belive she is so very old. And can date.
And maybe drive.



But any boy who wants to date her needs to see this first:



and this:




and maybe this:



And don't forget this:



But especially this:


And to be fair, this also:




Happy birthday, baby girl!
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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Thank heaven for unlimited text.

The cell phone bill came yesterday.

Middle daughter got a cell phone for her birthday on March first. The end of the bill cycle was March 8.

I had 66 text messages.

Daddy had 0.

Thing One had 2434.

Thing Two had 866.

Middle Daughter had 3929.

She only had the phone for seven days, she had 3929 text messages.

I'm wondering how it is possible to have that many text messages, eat, sleep, attend school, and all the other things she does all day?

She must be texting in her sleep.
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