Home Alone

As mother was too busy and frazzled to update the blog, I figured I'd fill all ya'll in.

Mother exhibited her mad skillz by sewing wedding party dresses for myself, Screamapillar and Eclair. She also took some 400 bridal portraits of Felicity, edited said photos, and made some adjustments on Felicity's dress for comfort sake. She also did many much more things that I can't even recall because they were so numerous. So I publicly thank mother for all her amazing work and to say, WE LOVE YOU MAMA!

She did all this in time to leave with the family yesterday afternoon (And managed to get everyone out of the house within two hours of the original goal time, which I think is a new record) to head to California for the wedding. Alas, I have work, so I get to stay here which means...I am the only one in the house.

O.O

Score.

So anybody wanna guess what I did once the whole family left for California and I had the house to myself?

Did I eat ice cream and go on a chick flick binge?

Did I watch the entire first season of "Angel?"

Or did I go attend wild parties and come home at 3 am?

Maybe I had A BOY come over. *GASP*

Well you'd be right about one thing...I spent the night with a boy.

Remember this guy?


As illustrated in this photo, Gus is a cat of very little brain. Shortly after this picture was taken, I turned the faucet on and he merely looked at it in bewilderment before realizing that he was getting wet. Sometimes, he reminds me of the "Simple Dog," (of Hyperbole and a Half) . On any given day, he will be lounging on the floor of the most inconvenient walkway possible. He will sit on the shelf next to Stevie's cage and wonder at what this small creature is, before forgetting that there is glass and running into it. My personal favorite is his complete lack of self preservation instinct, which leads to lack of coordination and general adoration/coddling/being carried around like a toy dog from small children. But I digress.

Last night, I spent my time trying to teach our special cat to jump out through the downstairs bathroom window (at ground level!) so that he could get outside on his own. Muffin, our angelic cat, figured this one out on her own. In fact, she's the one that taught us to do it. Gus...just doesn't get it. Either he's afraid of heights, or he just doesn't understand the concept of "Climbing."I have tried everything short of climbing out the window myself to illustrate that said window can also be an egress, but he fails to comprehend. I even put him outside while it was raining, and then called and waved to him through the window to get his attention, but he simply stayed by the door I put him out of and meowed to be let back in. I'm just going to make sure the litter-box is clean and all the doors are closed and hope for the best.

Stupid cat.

EDIT: in my own defense of not being a COMPLETE cat lady, I also did various cleaning around the house in addition to trying to educate the cat. I also attended a choir rehearsal. So I'm not a COMPLETE lost cause.

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Christmas means carnage.

My tree looks so lovely. It has managed to stay decorated this year, unlike last year's "naked tree" experience.

Last year Asparagus the Incredibly Dimwitted Kitty came to live at our house. In bitty-kitty fashion, he tried (with total success) to maim and destroy my tree. He climbed it at every opportunity, knocking down fragile glass ornaments and shattering them. I placed the less breakable ornaments down low, thinking I would be reducing the risk of breakage. Instead, he would lie under the tree shredding these ornaments instead.

I resorted to the internet: Google search "how do I keep my idiot cat out of the Christmas tree." Thank you Internet: a fount of endless stupid ideas. But I have to try something, so here goes:

Option One, Squirt gun. Premise: cat's don't like water and will flee in terror.

This served only to distract Gus momentarily. He couldn't figure out where the water was coming from, discovered that he didn't really care where the water was coming from, and returned to his wholesale destruction of the tree. And unless I wanted to ceaselessly patrol my living room 24/7 until New Year's, I needed a better solution.

Option Two, Cayenne pepper. Premise: spread on the carpet, cat gets it on paws and has to lick it off while grooming, then never returns to the area.

Well it's a good thing that grandma's pug peed on my tree skirt last year and I threw it away so don't have one anymore. I wouldn't want to be putting pepper on the skirt, now, would I? Muffin was annoyed by the pepper, and angry also. But she wasn't the one bothering the tree. Gus never noticed the pepper. And he never groomed himself (this is a long story by itself: ickle kitty was abandoned WAY too young, and had to be taught some valuable survival skills. He has since learned that if he does not bathe himself, there is a hose and cold water in his future...) so this was a complete and dismal failure.

Option Three, Orange peel. Premise: cats don't like citrus, it should repel them.

So, we peeled some oranges and spread the peels under the tree.

Gus ate them.

So we had a naked tree.

This year, he seems to have grown and matured, and doesn't seem quite as interesed in the ornaments and tree.

Thank heaven.

This is a really good thing, because Gus has grown into an enormous tub of lard, and if he attempeted to climb the tree now, it would not be able to bear his immense weight, and I'm certain it would fall over. Maybe we should put him on a diet?

Of orange peels and Cayenne pepper?

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