I see stupid people....

I have a problem. Or so my husband tells me.

I talk to people who aren't there.

Well they are there, they just can't hear me. Or so my husband says.

I talk to them when they are double parked. When they are on a cell phone and cut me off in traffic. When they chat in separate cars parked paralell to one another with windows rolled down, blocking the entrance to the school parking lot. When they enter the school parking lot using the exit, or exit using the entrance. When they are bent over looking for something on the floor of the car when the light in front of them turned green a full minute ago, and has now turned yellow. When they double park, or park so close that I can't get back into my car unless I go in through the trunk (which I have done before, no kidding. Thank heaven I drive a mini-van). When they drive really slow with a blinker on and don't turn for two blocks. I try (often unsuccessufly) not to yell.

I think I'm an idiot magnet.

I have seen many insane things as I drive around our fair city, and have had occasion to call police dispatch: one occasion was when a bunch of stupid teenagers had something hanging between their car windows - they were in the far left and far right lanes, keeping anyone from passing either of them in the center lane. Who's bright idea was this stunt? Just because this insane idea pops into your head doesn't mean you need to act on it.

The most amazing thing I ever saw was one morning while driving hubby to BYU. A woman in her car. Rollers in her hair. Wearing what looked like a bathrobe. Brushing her teeth.

Brushing her teeth.

Another time, I was behind a guy on a residential street who was aparently moving to a new home. This was indicated by the boxes & stuff blocking all windows of the car but one: the one where his arm was extended, holding a ficus tree. No kidding. Guy driving down the road holding a ficus tree out the driver's side window. My guess? Maybe the tree wouldn't fit in the car. Honest truth, this one, I even took a picture. I'll post it if I can ever find it.

Most of the time it's not deliberate. Just thoughtless.

Here's what I think: when you're driving the car, drive the car. Don't put on makeup, text somebody, eat breakfast, play air guitar, or contemplate the mysteries of the universe.

Drive the car.

Give all your attention to the traffic around you, the road conditions, potential hazards ahead. Designate a co-pilot to answer the phone and wrangle the loud children in the back.

Then my husband can stop saying "You know they can't hear you, right?"