Hairspray

I seem to be ranting about hair lately. First, the sugar shampoo, now the ineffective hairspray.

I didn't buy a bargain one this time, just the same old brand I've been using forever. The bottle from the bathroom had mysteriously gone missing, as things often do in this house, so I just pulled another from the hall cabinet.

I don't really know why I wear hairspray anyway, I spend the entire day running my fingers through it in frustration, working it loose so my hair isn't so cripsy (maybe I should look at changing brands, after all). I suppose I just don't like the way my hair goes completely flat when it snows or rains or hails or is foggy or is hot or rains or snows ...again... So I suppose my method is "spray it into submission, then wrangle most of it loose for some kind of happy medium." Without hairspray, my hair quickly looks like THIS (click the link, I dare you).

But for the last few days, the hairspray didn't leave my hair tacky or anything. It was soft and manageable, but then would go flatter as the day progressed....almost like I had forgotten to put it in or something.

Getting ready for church Sunday was the last straw. I sprayed the hair, as I had the previous two days. Adding more just seemed to make it worse.  Finer mist than is normal, since I got this new bottle from the hall cabinet, I complained to Screamapillar that my hairspray didn't seem to be working.

She said she had noticed it too. Perhaps she could get a thumbtack and make the hole bigger for me? No, I'll just work with it, thanks.

I take a closer look at the bottle, to see if perhaps I had gotten "Super Limp Formula" instead of "Extra Hold." Funny thing, there is no label on this pink bottle. None at all.....so I do what any rational human being would do: taste it (well, I did smell it first).

Anyone like to explain why this bottle is FILLED WITH WATER?

I've been spraying my hair with water for the last two days. This pink bottle was the really the misting bottle I made a year ago for ironing, which some helpful person removed from the sewing shelf and put in the hall cabinet thinking it might actually be misplaced hairspray. Thank you, helpful person.

Church starts in ten minutes. There are no more pink bottles in the hall cabinet. The original pink (nearly full) bottle I used three days ago is MIA.

Here's how desperate I was: I REALLY looked at the spray starch. REALLY. How bad could it be to put spray starch in your hair? But thought, no, I'm not sure how well that would work without applying heat. Then I started seriously calculating how much Modge Podge diluted with how much water would make hairspray? And isn't white glue the same as Modge Podge, I'd just have to dilute it more? Or Thing Two's hair gel - that might do the trick, except that would look REALLY BAD.

WHY oh why, why do I practice these economies, one bottle of hairspray shared between six people. It has only set me up for disaster.

And then I came to my senses and started to use my brain. There is a nearly full bottle of hairspray, likely still in this house. So I search the gril's rooms, which ends with no hairspray and a deep and abiding desire to make a bonfire from their clutter. There is no point in searching the boy's rooms, since Thing Two uses wax or gel, and Luke Skywalker is forcibly hair-sprayed by me only on special occasions. Perhaps he has hidden the hairspray to spare himself from his mother's attentions? No, he doesn't think that far ahead (but I checked the boys rooms anyway).

IT has to be here SOMEWHERE.

As a last resort, I check the location nearest to where it went missing. And that was where if was found. At the bottom of the bathroom trashcan (which, luckily, was not filled with anything vile).

I was late for church. But at least I didn't look like Prince Valiant. And that's what is really important anyway.
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