I've been slacking lately and not posting as much as I should. I could have something to do with my calendar. It lately has taken to careening wildly out of control. Happens kinda like this every December.
But I thought I might share with you today some gift ideas. For the discriminating shopper.
What's one thing EVERYONE needs?
AN UGLY SWEATER, I SAY.
I picked these out, just for you!
Our first offerings are for the Disney freak. You know one. You know you do. What better way to punish them that with one of these lovely sweaters?
This just doesn't make any sense. But that iguana is ugly.
Don't forget the boys! They need something exceedingly tacky, too!
This one is perfect for Christmas. Plastic Rudy there has a nose that REALLY lights up. That'll only be annoying for the first 4000 hours or so. You'll get used to it.
And one for Hubby, to remind him which room he's in charge of cleaning:
AAAAHHHHH!!! RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!!!! This one should have been
Or the volatile fall and spring where it can be freezing in the morning and blistering in the afternoon.
Really! There are a few advantages!
We have the Mo Tab. Or Mormon Tabernacle Choir. And they are amazing.
Every Sunday morning there is a broadcast of "Music and the Spoken Word" that if FREE to attend. Free, I say! Why haven't you been yet? We totally love to go. Get up super early at 7am on a Sunday morning when we don't have to be at church until 11 am, drive for 45 minutes to Salt Lake City........Okay. We don't love that part. Especially when it's snowing. But we do it anyway because it is not to be missed.
I would go every week if it were manageable. But it's not, so it's easier to make the family go with me if I try for a few times each year. Our most recent trip was.....eventful.
The Christmas concerts are always the best! And most crowded. We would need a good plan: right day, leave very early to get a seat, pack snacks. We decided our date a few weeks in advance, making sure everyone would be available. Unless Hubby had an unscheduled meeting that he wasn't told about until the last minute, which he did.
We woke up to snow.
Tons of snow.
I tried to talk them out of it, the children. But Thing One was determined! She shovelled the walk & driveway, dug out the car, and started it early to warm it up. She cheerfully (and not so cheerfully) poked and prodded everyone into motion. She helped Eclair to dress, combed Luke Skywalker's rebellious hair, and packed little bags of cereal for snacks. There was no getting out of this. We were going, as a family. And we began the white knuckle trip to SLC.
We had no idea when we departed how bad it would be. The snow flew thicker the further north we went. They call it "lake effect." I call it horrible. It appeared as though the snowplow drivers were on strike. The normally four lane freeway was lost in the frozen wasteland of white. I followed tire tracks of the other brave souls who proceeded me, hoping that I wouldn't be following someone into the median or off the road altogether. All the way there, I kept muttering "we shoulda stayed home.....we shouldn't be out in this.....we are all gonna die." Each time she heard the muttering, Thing One would flash a brilliant smile my direction, reminding me that this was all her fault and I should shoot her when we got home.
The trip normally takes 45 minutes. On this day, it took 75.
We are supposed to be in our seats by 9:10 am. I dropped the kids at the curb at 9:25. "RUN! You might make it! I'll park, and since there's not a chance I will make it in, I'll meet you in the North Visitors' Center after the broadcast!" And I hurried to park in the underground lot.
The underground lot is quite nice. It's not so cold, and there is no snow. For those of you who may live where there is no snow, you may not be aware of how difficult it is to park when it snows. No one can see the lines. So they park....wherever. Which is really freaking annoying. And annonying. Really annoying. I'm very annoyed by it. Really. It is only made worse by well-meaning plow drivers who create these giant snow mounds while they're clearing the lots - usually the mounds will take up 4-6 parking spaces, making it even harder to find a spot. So, yeah, underground is BLISS.
But underground is usually crowded. Because I think everyone else hates street parking as much as I do. This day was not crowded. Hmmm. Unusual for Christmas at the Mo Tab.....I was able to park right by the elevator. I sprinted. Shuffled, really. Because it was slick I tried to be careful, yet quick. I crossed the street against the light and managed to avoid getting cited for jaywalking. I shuffled even faster - the doors were still open! One of the senior missionaries, a man in his seventies, started running toward me "We'll get you in, Sister, take my arm!" They held the door for me, and I climbed the stairs. Where are my kids? Found them quick. Walking quietly to sit by them as they count down "four, three, two" and the broadcast begins.
This video is a different day/year from when we went, but this song was my favorite:
(I miss Craig Jessop. He's an incredible conductor. He's so exuberant that he once gave himself a nosebleed when he hit himself in the face with his own baton. True story.)
It was great. Some of my absolute favorites, Wilberg arrangements. Spoken word was inspiring. Stupid ungrateful children fell asleep. Or at least dozed a little. But we made it.
I found out why underground was not crowded. Why they held the doors for me. The place was nearly empty, especially compared to normal at Christmastime. Afterward, Bro. Newell got up and thanked everyone for braving the storm to be with them. This is the stuff memories are made of.
Here's the photo:
Sleepy children after an amazing concert.
Can you tell these were taken with my poor cell phone? I wonder what it would have been
like if I had taken the real camera? Maybe something like this?
Much, much better. Hi, Mack Wilberg!
Of course now it's two weeks later, and we're not in the Tabernacle, but the Conference Center.
Which is pretty amazing.
I didn't actually go this time, I'm old and I need my sleep.
Screamapillar and Thing One went.
And it wasn't snowing.
The fountain...
and the lovely waterfall window.
See how lovely it can be? I highly recommend it.
For our sad family trip, we didn't have such great pictures.
And on the way home we stopped at McDonalds to use the bathroom and were accosted by very agressive panhandlers.
But that's another story. For another day. Hopefully one I can forget very soon.
.
.
My OLDER sister (people think I'm older for some insane reason, just making it clear here that she is OLDER than me. OLDER than dirt. Older. Got it? Good. Now don't forget it. I'm younger. SO much younger. I'll never be old.) anyway: my OLDER sister is putting together a present for our wonderful fantastic mother. And she asked me for some pitchers when she was here for Thanksgiving.
Many times.
Many many times.
She called and left messages after she went back home: "Please, when you get a sec, would you email me some pictures?"
and more messages.
and more...
She sent me an email: "Please send pictures!"
And another.
And another.
And she FaceBook message-ed me: "PLEASE!!!! SEND PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(I do not exaggerate. She used many exclamation points. Because I was ignoring her. 'Cause I'm ornery like that.)
Since I'm a photographer and my kids are SO completely over-photographed, you would think this would be an easy task. But because I'm a photographer and I SO completely over-photograph my kids this is a daunting undertaking.
There are literally 14 gabillion photos on my computer.
Daunting, indeed.
So last night after getting ANOTHER Facebook message, I had to stop playing Mall World and get to work.
Here's what I sent my sister (who asked for my best, mind you):
Luke Skywalker at his 6th grade gratuation.
Screamapillar eatin' a snowcone.
Thing Two Easter morning.
Thing One eatin' a s'more in the woodsen.
And I saved the best for last.
My dear, sweet, little Eclair.
Don't I have lovely adorable offspring? I'll bet everyone out there reading this envies me and my perfectly photogenic children.
A few years ago at a craft fair I saw the most amazing thing.
So I bought it. It was so shiny and beautiful!!!
And now I have attempted to make my own.
They aren't as perfect as the one I bought, but I did my best.
Look! There's me! My reflection in the shiny silver ball! Hi, Me!
I bought the 12 pack of glass bulbs at the dollar store, for (surprise!) a buck. The paint and other materials I already had on hand. I just used regular white craft paint, which was fine even for the silver ball. You could use whatever color you want (but I like white, be a sheep - use white). I only took off the lid and used the paint that was on the inside of the lid. Very little paint required. And no messy cleanup if you follow my example.
Here's the trick:
No paintbrushes needed. Just a pencil eraser with a straight pin stuck in. If you can't manage to stick the pin in the eraser without drawing blood, walk away now. I'll make one for you and you can pick it up at my house. The green ball was my practice ball, it took a bit of time to perfect the technique. If you make a mistake, just wipe it off quickly with a wet paper towel.
Remove the hanger from the bulb, and slip it over a pencil. Wipe it down with a clean cloth to remove your grubby fingerprints. Then do yer painting, and put the pencil into a cup to dry. Easy as pie.
See? Any idiot can do this. I did.
The real skill is in not getting paint on your clothes because you're a klutz (me) and trying to come up with a suitable design that doesn't suck. YOU CAN DO IT!!! I KNOW YOU CAN!!!
Every day I make up a list of stuff I gotta do. I've been doing it since the dawn of time. I love to cross things off, even if they are stupid things like "drive to work" because then I feel like I might have actually accomplished something today.
I'd like to share with you the most recent items that really need to get done, but never quite get off the list:
Finish hanging Christmas lights. I LOVE having a billion lights up. During the 2002 Olympics we lit up the house and yard with a ton of red white and blue lights that we kept up thru the the end of February. With Screamapillar's help, there are currently 600 LED bulbs lighting up the front bushes. And man are they bright. I still have approximately 659 more strings of lights I would like to hang. There is a neighborhood lighting contest on the 16th. Thing Two begged his father to leave me in the dark (ha!) about this, but word got out. I just need to sort through all the lights, figure out which ones are busted beyond repair, then hang them before the temperatures drop below freezing again. Maybe this year I'll actually throw away the busted lights so I don't have to sort through them again next year...
Retake the family photo for the annual Christmas card. Eclair was having a meltdown during the original shoot, and looks like she had been crying. Because she was. Desperately needs a re-do. Everyone looks lame. And then I need to compose the Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehoods. And then fail to mail it.
Remove the gelatinous pumpkins from the front porch. These are not Halloween ones, just the uncarved punkins from Thanksgiving that I keep meaning to remove to the garden so they may fulfill the measure of their creation and make more pumpkins for next year. One of them looks like a puddle now. Frankly, I've let this go so long that I am now afraid to move them.
December. The beginning of the madness. SO MUCH BUSY-NESS!!!!!
Shopping.
Decorating.
Cooking.
Crafts.
Recitals & performances & events.
Family gatherings.
and one other item......
Shopping: for some the madness began last week with Black Friday. Which I swore I would not participate in. You shouldn't swear. It's bad. And it doesn't help much. Especially when your oldest daughter talks you into participating in Black Friday. She was at the shops at 3am. I accidentally slept in until 10:30. And then she carted me hither and yon until 10:30 pm. I got some amazing deals, and so the shopping is almost done and I have lived to tell about it.
Decorating? Well, most of the stuff never got put away last year, so I guess I'm nearly done! Just getting the tree up and decorated, with an anti-cat program in place. Last year Gus was a cute little kitten and climbed the tree daily. He broke nearly EVERY glass ornament on the tree. This year he has lost the cuteness factor, and I have sworn (there I go again) to KILL him if he does it again. I have a little tiny pair of shackles with his name on them...
Cooking. Always looking for an excuse to make some good stuff. I won't mind cooking one bit. Bring on the butter.
Crafts! Crafts!!!!! I have 14 billion ideas I want to do!!!! Will they ever be completed? With my track record, probably not. But I will make a valiant effort. And I will blog them for you. I will show you how to make a little tiny cowboy hat ornament out of a styrofoam cup.....magical!
As for recitals, performances, and events: Screamapillar is performing today at Temple Square in Salt Lake City with her choir. And she sings again Friday at the Christmas party at the church, and another choir performance twice on Saturday. I'm sure there are a dozen other performances that she hasn't told me about yet.
Thing One sings with Mapleton Chorale. They are performing at the Covey Center today and Thursday, and then only a half dozen other performances, one of which might not cost me $12 to attend. She also will be singing at Temple Square. Apparently, if you sing in a choir it is required by law that you sing at Temple Square at Christmas.
Thing Two is a slacker. His sax is gathering dust. He no longer has a band to call his own and there will be no Temple Square for him. So sad. Instead he will (as the only partially sane member of the family) boycott all band and choir performances in favor of playing Halo with people he has never met who haven't made his life unbearable like the miserable beings he is forced to live with.
Luke Skywalker is in a band. A very lame 7th grader band. Have you ever been to a 7th grad band concert? I dare you to label them anything but lame. If you are invited to one, make sure you have a backup plan with something you'd like to do better. Like having a root canal. It's all part of being in 7th grade. I assume that he has a Christmas concert at some point. He keeps telling me every morning "I'll ask my teacher," which is followed up after school by "I forgot." I wonder if we will ever know....
Eclair plays piano. Incessantly. You may drop by at anytime, because we are currently living in a perpetual state of "Christmas Recital." In fact, when Luke Skywalker was downstairs in his room practicing "Silent Night" on his clarinet, Ecliar started accompanying him from the living room. This ended in fisticuffs, as Luke Skywalker (new to clarinet after abandoning the violin) assumed he was being mocked.
Ah, harmony. Ain't is a beautiful thing?
Almost as great as Family Gatherings. It's especially fun in my family. Eveyone comes here to visit, and I'm expected to put my life on hold and follow my extended family's schedule (even if they don't). My sister invests loads of time creating the schedule. It is sent out a month in advance and I am warned that I had better be available for every event. So if the schedule says "Sledding" on Wednesday, I should not prepare my children for sledding. I should be ready instead for a movie, shopping, or perhaps some other activity that pops into my sister's head. Sledding will have happened the day before and I missed it because someone forgot to tell me that they modified the schedule.
She can't really be blamed for it, though. ADD runs rampant through my entire family. We are ALL very impuse driven. We have good intentions, thus the attempts at a schedule. We just have a real failure to follow through. Which makes for a lot of spur of the moment fun.
Now don't forget my "one other item." The Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehoods. I have to write it. When I do, I will share it with you. As you know me so well, I am sure you will be able to sort fact from fiction.
