A Conversation with Eclair

The following conversation occured this morning. After Eclair missed the bus and we were hurrying to finish getting ready and rush out the door.

"Mom, I want to take my Pillow Pet to school for show and tell..."

(For those of you who don't know what a Pillow Pet is, I envy you. They have invaded and taken over my home.)

"...but I have to pay thirty dollars."

Thirty dollars?

for show and tell?

??

I am outraged. Why would my child need to PAY to participate in show and tell? Show and tell should be free!!! It's the right of every American child to drag their ephemera to school and make people admire it! It's a grade school tradition, for heaven's sake! I can understand a teacher's setting aside only a certain day each week for the event, or restricting them to certain types of items, or participating once a month or something, but PAY? for show and tell?

And special ed kids are the worst (Eclair especially). They smuggle contraband show and tell items to school in the backpack every day. EVERYTHING they own is fascinating and needs to be shared with other like minded individuals. I once unzipped her very heavy backpack to find the stupid complacent cat in there. So, yes, restrictions. But MONEY? Explanation, please, Eclair.

"You can bring show and tell any day, but you have to pay thirty dollars, or give four auction trades instead. Mr. C said he would pay me a hundred dollars if I do my homework EVERY DAY. Do you have a pencil?"

So, not real dollars. Classroom auction dollars. Commerce. Is it a good thing? If it makes her do her homework, yes. If it means she's raiding my wallet, no.
.

RESOLUTIONS

It's that time of year again, time to make spectacular goals and then fail when it comes time to reach them. Since they're not gettin' done anyway, lets make them great!

This year I resolve to:

Keep my house completely clean every single day.(Stop laughing, right now.Yes, I know that this will not happen until everyone moves out, including me.)

Lose all that extra weight and get back to a size nine (The last thing that I wore that was a size nine was my wedding dress. 22 years ago. And we're dreaming here, so anything is possible!)

Get organized - have a place for everything and everything in it's place (Actually, I have half-acheived this -- I do have a place for everything. But everything is not it it's place - it's mostly in something else's place, or on the floor. This allows for easier access, right?)

Be on time to sporting events, concerts, and everything that starts at a specified time. (Of course to reach this goal, I may have to leave behind the athelete or performer I am going to see at the specified event, but the important thing is to be on time, right?)

Spend less time on Facebook. (Yeah, right. Getting right on that after I finish this game of Scramble. I'm trying to beat Melissa's high score, okay?)

Park my car in the garage again. (I think the garage is that big giant room with the really big door currently being used as a storage unit for stuff that's not mine...)

Inherit a million dollars. (From whom, I have no idea. I don't know anybody with a million dollars. But wouldn't it be ideal to inherit it from someone I do not know, who lived a really full life and was happy to die and leave me the million dollars? Yep. Ideal. Then I could buy Thing One some snow tires or chains for the Iceberg On Wheels.)

Be glamorous and stylish and perfect in every way. (Oh wait, I already AM!)
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The Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehoods.

In my ususal procrastinating habit, I have finally composed the annual family holiday letter. I DO write this every year. I just never get around to sending it. I take photos of my ornery kids and make a cute card, and I never mail that either!

Dear Family and Friends:


I sit at the keyboard once again to update you all on the epic experiences of the Roper Family. It was a great year, with many milestones and adventures. First an update on all the family members:


Here's what you expected to hear:


Thing One has graduated from college and is now shopping for a Master's program. She's making six figures at her current job, and is dating four very nice young men (who all have six figure incomes as well) but hasn't decided which marriage proposal she should accept...


Here's what really happened:


Thing One is making great progress in college (she is taking a break, actually, after deciding to change her major and discovering she must start over). She is currently furthering her career at a wonderful company in Orem where she excels at answering the phone and handing out donuts. She quit her second job at the movie theater and is very happy with her "real job." Mommy is sad that she doesn't get to go to free first run movies anymore. With the adoption of our new kitty Asparagus, she has now become a Certified Cat Lady. She continues to sing with Mapleton Chorale, it is her only joy (if she were to start dating, she might have more joy -- any eligible young men you could fling in her general direction would be appreciated).


And more exaggeration:


Thing Two graduated from high school with half of his college credits completed. After agonizing over his many, many options, he finally decided to accept the full ride offer from Yale. His side business doing video capture of Halo gaming has netted him enough funds to retire by the time he is 28.


And some truth:


Thing Two graduated from high school. You probably missed the announcement because I failed to mail it: please find it enclosed with this letter. We were a bit worried that he would not graduate, merely to spite us.  He is still working at the dollar movie theater, and hating it. He wants a "real job" and is spending a little effort to find one. He is busy preparing for his mission by playing Halo until very late in the night and waking up by the crack of noon everyday. I can only figure that this prepares him by getting all the fun and sleeping-in over with so that he's sick of it, and later he will be eager for rising early in the morning for scripture study with a companion. We can only hope. And he went on a date. With a GIRL. To Prom. We are so proud.


On to more falsehoods:


Due to her stellar performance in school, Screamapillar has decided to graduate early and move directly to a modelling career. She has had very generous offers from Vogue and Better Homes and Gardens as a foot model. 


Actually....


Screamapillar has grown tall enough to pass up her older sister (who apparently will remain a midget forever). She's playing many much soccers at the high school, and scoring many much goals. She likes boys, talking on the phone, texting and chatting on Facebook. And crab fishing. And looking beautimous. Since getting her phone for her birthday last March, she has sent 4,782,817 text messages. Yes, she has worn out the keyboard on her phone. She hates housework, her siblings, and housework. She also sings in choir, mostly because there are not enough boys in soccer. She will be turning 16 in three months, and we live in fear.


And what has Luke Skywalker NOT been up to?


Luke Skywalker has excelled in all things sporting. He's playing Varsity first string on Provo High's football team, and averages four goals per game. 


In real life:


Luke Skywalker is 13 and now officially a teenager. He doesn't quite have Thing Two's capacity for sleeping, but give him time, people, give him time. He suffers from extreme shortness. Since his older brother suffered from the same ailment, and has now topped six feet in height, the little boy has hope. He decided it would be in his best interest to skip middle school, and proceed straight to high school, thus opening up new methods of torturing his older sister. He does this just by being there. It causes Screamapillar untold humiliations. He has had a little trouble adjusting to the middle school schedule, sometimes losing track of all the stuff he's got to do. But he's trying hard, and making progress.


And the little one?


Eclair has mastered four languages and has written and published a children's book. She has learned to drive and use a credit card, taking a lot of the pressure off me in running errands.


In real life she's pretty amazing:


Eclair continues to thrive in her big school. She's in fourth grade now and moved up to the "big kids" special ed class, and has a new teacher for the first time since pre-school. She misses her old teacher, but thinks Mr. C is "cool." She is almost at grade level in many subjects, which is big progress for her. She loves to read, and is currently working on doing a project for the science fair. She has lots of really great friends who love her and she is a happy little soul.


Enough now. Here's what really went down this year:


We unfortunately bookended the year with two tragedies. We lost our Grandpa Paul (Hubby's dad) in January, and then lost the tabernacle to fire in December. In between, better stuff happened: we saw the beautiful ice castles at the Zermatt, and had a wonderful vacation to the Logan valley where we camped and go to cheese factory and a demolition derby. We traveled to Ramah for our dear grandpa's funeral and again for a dear cousin's wedding. We watched our kids sing in choir, march in band, play soccer, play in orchestra, act in plays, serve in church, blow things up at the science fair, and do many other amazing things. Our kids are the best.


Hope 2010 was as good for all of you as it was for us.

Sorry about the picture, it's the best we could manage.
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Christmas Top Ten

Wow. What a great Christmas. Everyone was happy, and there was a minimum of screaming at our house. Completely amazing. So today I prepare for you a list
of the top ten reasons it was SO great:

10.

Santa got to go to bed before midnight for the first time in recorded history.

9.

It was 9am before anyone was awake enough to want to open presents.
So, yeah, the incredible sleeping abilities of teenagers was an advantage for once.

8.

The peoples who live in my house were actually animated and joyful about the presents.
No sullen "whatever"s from the ungrateful sleepy teenagers!
There were smiles! SMILES I say!

7.

Eclair still believes in Santa. And he brought her the greatest desire of her heart:
a diary that locks.
 Because you know how it is with everyone invading the privacy
of a 9 year-old's innermost thoughts.
I read her diary. She made the mistake of entrusting me with the key.
 Today's entry says: "I have nothing to say today."
OOOooo! Now we know all her secrets.

6.

The apple pie I made was horrible but no one complained.

5.

I got a NAP! An actual nap! I think they were so quiet because they had all
overdosed on the chocolate that Santa so kindly left for me this year....
but quiet all the same, so I am grateful.

4.

We stayed home and hosted dinner with some lovely family members we don't see
often enough. So it goes without saying,
 that I was the only one yelling at my kids for a change...

3.

Since I cooked everything that was hot, and lovely Auntie Vee brought
amazing Hawiian rolls and salad, my kid's didn't complain
about potential food poisoning from
certain OTHER aunties who they live in fear of....

2.

There was enough leftover food to ensure
that I won't have to cook anything for quite a while.

1.

SPATULAS! SPATULAS! SPATULAS!

(yeah, I got some wonderful colorful and cool spatulas. I love spatulas. 

You can never have too many. They are awesome.)

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Merry Christmas from our family. Wishing you and all those you love a wonderful holiday.

Christmas means carnage.

My tree looks so lovely. It has managed to stay decorated this year, unlike last year's "naked tree" experience.

Last year Asparagus the Incredibly Dimwitted Kitty came to live at our house. In bitty-kitty fashion, he tried (with total success) to maim and destroy my tree. He climbed it at every opportunity, knocking down fragile glass ornaments and shattering them. I placed the less breakable ornaments down low, thinking I would be reducing the risk of breakage. Instead, he would lie under the tree shredding these ornaments instead.

I resorted to the internet: Google search "how do I keep my idiot cat out of the Christmas tree." Thank you Internet: a fount of endless stupid ideas. But I have to try something, so here goes:

Option One, Squirt gun. Premise: cat's don't like water and will flee in terror.

This served only to distract Gus momentarily. He couldn't figure out where the water was coming from, discovered that he didn't really care where the water was coming from, and returned to his wholesale destruction of the tree. And unless I wanted to ceaselessly patrol my living room 24/7 until New Year's, I needed a better solution.

Option Two, Cayenne pepper. Premise: spread on the carpet, cat gets it on paws and has to lick it off while grooming, then never returns to the area.

Well it's a good thing that grandma's pug peed on my tree skirt last year and I threw it away so don't have one anymore. I wouldn't want to be putting pepper on the skirt, now, would I? Muffin was annoyed by the pepper, and angry also. But she wasn't the one bothering the tree. Gus never noticed the pepper. And he never groomed himself (this is a long story by itself: ickle kitty was abandoned WAY too young, and had to be taught some valuable survival skills. He has since learned that if he does not bathe himself, there is a hose and cold water in his future...) so this was a complete and dismal failure.

Option Three, Orange peel. Premise: cats don't like citrus, it should repel them.

So, we peeled some oranges and spread the peels under the tree.

Gus ate them.

So we had a naked tree.

This year, he seems to have grown and matured, and doesn't seem quite as interesed in the ornaments and tree.

Thank heaven.

This is a really good thing, because Gus has grown into an enormous tub of lard, and if he attempeted to climb the tree now, it would not be able to bear his immense weight, and I'm certain it would fall over. Maybe we should put him on a diet?

Of orange peels and Cayenne pepper?

.

A Little Broken Piece of my Heart

A small piece of my heart broke yesterday.

I woke up December 17th, 2010 at 6:30 AM. I knew my car had to be scraped and started if I was not going to be driving an iceberg on wheels to work. 6:45, my friend Sarah sends me a text.

"Provo Tabernacle is burning down."

At first, I was trying to see how that statement worked, Sarah's statements sometimes being non-sequiter. Then my stomach begins to sink.

I ran upstairs and turned on KSL--nothing, just the weather. I go back downstairs and wake up mom, telling her I'm not sure, but I just got a text to telling me what happened. We both run upstairs, and now the news has changed to the traffic--focusing on the closing of the main streets around the Tabernacle. It then went to footage of the Tabernacle.


I started choking up.

I finished getting ready for work, and mom got dressed to head down to take pictures. Throughout the day at work, I discussed it with a lot of people, via text, IM and facebook. Mom shared with me the photos she took when she went down.




After work, I briefly drove downtown and could see all the firetrucks, and the pillar of smoke coming out from the ruins. Seeing the roof gone really...kinda started to make it sink in.



I had a concert, Carols and Confections w/ the Maple Mountain High school that night, so after driving through nightmarish construction traffic, I was there. Every time the rental organ played, my mind turned to the Tabernacle back home that was still burning.

On my way home, I battled the construction again, as well as snow. Mom and the kids met me downtown to look a where things stood. I held it together until I saw one of the pillars that held the balcony up standing free, silhoutted through the window. I walked around the building to the south side with mom, which was where I really lost it.

A light fixture in the doorway of the south side entrance. The heating vent right above it, between the stairs that used to lead to the clock tower. I heard part of the south-east tower stairs collapse. I could see through the melted and broken windows to where the organ should have been to the smoky sky. Flames could still be seen through the windows and busted doors.

Our whole community is heartbroken at the loss of not only a religious meeting place...but for the loss of a piece of HISTORY. This is one of the oldest buildings west of the Mississippi. Older than the SLC tabernacle.

I love that building. I have known that building for as long as I can remember. Growing up, our stake conferences were held there, and I have distinct memories of mom hissing at me and my younger siblings to get way from the balcony before we fell and DIED. I remember trying to slide down the banisters. I remember countless concerts over the years. I remember Screamapillar at the age of three singing, "I am a Child of God" with her little friends at stake conference. I remember the first time I heard the organ play during a dress rehearsal for our annual PHS Masterworks concert. I remember another Masterworks concert, performing a positively DISASTEROUS rendition of "Come Thou Fount."

I have so many memories of that wonderful, sacred building, and it breaks my heart to see it like this. And yet...there is still hope.


The miracle is not the fact that the image of Christ in the Second Coming is preserved. It is what it symbolizes. Christ is always there. He will ALWAYS be there for us, despite what fires of the world will try to destroy us. It cannot destroy Him.

Going back again to the ruins tonight, the fires finally extinguished, there is still a sacredness there, even among the ruins of that wonderful building that was dedicated to the Lord. I have felt it, and even in the face of this tragedy, I have found my faith strengthened. While the physical and monetary loss is great, the Spirit of God remains, and will never leave us.

Tomorrow night I will perform in another dedicated building, the Assembly Hall on Temple Square in SLC. I hope that I can share this testimony of faith and never ending spirit with those who come to see us perform.

While I will miss this building, and it hurts, I find comfort in God, and a true phrase I have written in my journal.

"And this, too, shall pass."

I like to think that with God's help, we can make it through and become better in all ways.

--

A picture of mom comforting a woman ended up picked up by the AP, and you can see it on the CBSNews website HERE.