Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehood

Although many of you feared me dead, I have returned per tradition to pen my annual letter on New Year's Eve.

Welcome to our very exciting and wonderful lives! This year there were MANY changes and improvements!

Eclair continues her entrepreneurial endeavors with "Claire's Sweet's Wagon" and made millions of pennies this year. She has gained a reputation as quite the chef and doesn't use vinegar instead of oil in her cake recipes anymore. She starred as "Pinkie Pie" at Salt Lake Comic Con and hobnobbed with many celebrities. Successful year for Eclair.

Luke Skywalker continues to excel in game development. He has developed about a foot taller and with a much deeper voice as he spends hour after hour creating new game ideas in his head. He does a LOT of research and hopes to release a game someday and make as much as his little sister. He became a mechanic this year and his mother relies on him for everything auto. He is particularly skilled at starting the car and scraping off the ice in sub-zero temperatures so his lazy mother can spend five more minutes in bed.

Screamapillar is movin' on up. She has her own home now, not too far away. She excels at university in "Squeaking into Class Before the Bell" and "Excessive Sleeping." She has a boyfriend who is a complete deadbeat (seriously, we are so ashamed: he is graduating BYU in April with excellent grades and going to med school in the fall.... where did we go wrong?) She has landed a new job, where she stars as a Very Important Celebrity. So important, that she cannot reveal who she is. I do have a photo I will share though: 

Thing Two and his Lovely Wife continue well. They are making MILLIONS (of phone calls, emails and quality control chats) at their current place of employment. They are also excelling at school, which in Thing Two's case is frankly a miracle. Thank heaven for Lovely Wife. They are extraordinarily happy, and we are loving having another daughter.

Thing One..... well I'm not sure what to say. She had some issues this year..... she put on a little weight. Well, not a little, actually, but a lot.....

We were really at a loss as to what do do. Her husband kept confiscating the chocolate and the french fries and the ice cream and the fry sauce and the quarter pound burgers and the pork barbacoa burritos and the See's Candies, and the Sonic shakes, and the JDawgs, and the.... well, you get the picture. Well, he got her whipped into shape. AND THEN!!!!!!!!

Then there was a baby!!!!!!

A beautiful wonderful baby. So Thing One and Mr. Darcy get to be parents now. And Hubby and I get to be grandparents. It's a pretty awesome and wonderful thing. 

Hubby and I are happy. Very very happy. Our kids are annoying and awful from time to time, but anticipating more grandchildren changes the big picture just enough that we might just let them all live another year.

Hope 2014 was wonderful for you also! May the Lord bless you and may 2015 be filled with love and happiness.

With love,

The Insane Roper (and Sims) Family.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Conversations with.... my cat

It's been weeks (weeks, that added together add up to months, but we're gonna say weeks so it doesn't sound like so long) since I stopped working in any kind of regular fashion. Weeks, I say.

I had a long list of "stuff I'm going to finally get done" that hasn't gotten done.

Instead stuff like this happens:

I just caught myself having a conversation with the cat.

I'm waiting up of Screamapillar to come home, nearly midnight. Hubby is discovering facebook, Thing One and Mr. Darcy (who are temporarily residing in my basement) have turned in for the night, Eclair and Luke Skywalker are allegedly asleep as well.

So, for lack of a suitable alternative, I'm having a conversation with the cat.

Cat: Feed me.

Me: Well, hello! where have you been all day?

Cat: Feed me.

Me. I suppose you are wanting some dinner?

Cat: Feed me.

Me: Let's go see what we can find!
(dry food bag is empty. canned food the only option.)

Cat: Feeeed me.

Me: I'm working on it! (cat tries to trip me going down the stairs)

Cat: Feeeeeeeeed me.

Me: Let's see - how about the green label?

Cat: Feed. Me.

Me: Gimme a sec (cat is wrapped around my ankles, making any step treacherous)

Cat: Feed me.

Me: Okay! Okay! (scooping cat food into fancy cut glass dish that is way to nice for a cat to be eating out of)

Cat: FEED. ME.

Me: You know that all this is is the mushed up stuff that no one else would eat, so they made cat food out of it just for you.

Cat: *contemptuous glare*

I'm not waiting around for a "thank you."

Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Once upon a time, I got a great job with the most incredible people....

We had so much fun at work...

Some of the wonderful people moved on, and other fantastic people joined us...

Without fail, these people really stood by me when I needed them most....

Then one day, it was my turn to move on,
and it nearly breaks my heart to leave them.

I can only do it because there are some
   not-so-little-anymore people who need me more....

I'm going to miss my wonderful work family, more than I can say.

It's an incredible leap of faith to leave a job in this economy, but we will trust in the Lord that this is the right path for our family at this time. We'll be broke, but happy, and find more success in other aspects of our lives.

And we WILL do lunch, ladies...

Monday, December 30, 2013

The Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehood

I printed the Christmas cards again. They are actually in envelopes. Sans stamps, though, let's hope I get them out before Valentine's day...

This year, another TOP TEN: Awesome things that happened in 2013.

10. Thing One became a grandmother! How is this possible? Well, she had three cats and procrastinated getting them fixed. The male went out with a bang: two days after he got fixed, Thing One and Hot Latin Guy discovered that one of the females was preggers. She gave birth to four kittens, and then someone left a stray kitten on the doorstep. Eight Cats. Thing One has moved from "cat lady" to "complete lunatic." She continues to toil at Best Buy, where she has entirely too much access to awesome discounts on electronics.

9. Hot Latin Guy was hired as a Josh Groban body double. Or he could have been, If I hadn't made him cut his hair. He continues to toil at the software company (and did get a legitimate promotion, actually). He still denies me grandchildren. His mother and I continue to sigh loudly whenever the word "grandchildren" is used, but we haven't made much headway. We will continue the guilt trip in hopes of future success.

8. Screamapillar had a busy senior year. She graduated with high honors (being on the risers singing with the choir at graduation did elevate her slightly above some of the class, right?). She did get an actual lead in the school play, without having to break anyone's leg, and she did a lovely job. After graduation she was flooded with job offers: snow cone shack in East Bay, followed by snow cone shack in north Orem, and when snow cone season ended she went to work for McDonalds and developed a truly passionate hatred for fast food. The next job was with an essential oils company, but the high pay was just too much. She quit and has now accepted a position closer to home serving..... fast food.

7. The highlight of Luke Skywalker's year was his appearance as a character at the first SLC Comic Con. No one asked him to dress up, but he did, and he looked awesome. He also managed to rent himself out for actual pay in costume for a kid's party. Someone actually paid him to dress as Link and swordfight with a bunch of kids. This could become a  career he could enjoy... He continues at PHS having fun making movies and trouble.

6. The little one. Eclair. She for some reason thinks that she is not a baby anymore and decided to leave me. I suppose it was okay because it was only for a week. And it was only camp. So I think I'll survive. She started middle school, and has landed the magnificent role of "townsperson" in the upcoming performance of "Cinderella." She volunteered her mother to do costumes, again.

5. I lost 20 lbs!!! And then I gained eight of it back again. For details on this you'll need to read THIS POST. I spent the spring recovering, summer walking laps with Thing One at the new rec center, and fall planning The Big Event. I plan to spend winter eating chocolate and blogging.

4. Hubby has become a world famous blogger in his own right. Really. You should check it out:  He misses his doggie terribly, and won't even consider a new one yet. Work has been stressful this year, I think the garden has been his sanctuary. We got his secondary sanctuary finished in time for winter when he had to come inside out of the cold when we finally finished the next item on the list.

3. WE FINISHED THE REMODEL!!!! Really, truly, finished. Except for baseboards and molding. And a hall closet door. And shelving. And closet doors in Eclair's room. And curtains in Eclair's room. And the toilet we put in the new bathroom is leaking. And the ceilings haven't been painted yet. And we need a new light fixture in the hallway. And.... I guess we're not done yet. But Hubby has a new reading nook in the family room that he LOVES. And Eclair has her own room with an actual door, and a carpeted and fully lit play room under the stairs. And there are two fully functional showers to choose from. We'll finish eventually.

2. We had two awesome family reunions this year. Discovered new family in May, and got together with the same-old siblings and offspring for summer fun. There were lots of watersports and ammuntion. Fun was had by all.

1. BEST AND MOST WONDERFULLEST OF ALL - THING TWO GOT MARRIAGED!!! Finally making the plunge and becoming a full-fledged adult with an apartment they both hate and can't wait to move out of when the lease is up in April. (now that the wedding stuff is over...) We are so very happy!!!!!

We had a very fun and exciting year. We are so blessed in so many ways, and are thankful for all our friends and family (and new family) that enrich our lives. We hope you all had a wonderful year also, may the Lord continue to bless us all in the coming year.

With love, THe InSane RopEr FamIly.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!!! I haven't died or dropped off the face of the earth, just spending quality time with the family.

Here's a lovely video for you to enjoy while I have a few days with all my family, my parents, siblings and their families. Hope you Christmas was merry!

Tune in next week for the Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehood!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Making up for lost time

There have been comments.

Someone noticed that I haven't been posting, and actually remarked about it.

So I promised to post.

And here I am, posting.

I have been legitimately busy, and threw out a post in June just to keep the blog alive.

I have a lot to write about, but in the meantime, here's what we have been up to:

In May, I found a whole new family I didn't know I had. Geneaology is awesome.


We also started a HUGE remodelling project that we mistakenly thought would be rather small. We were fools, I tell you, fools.


Eclair got old and graduated. She also went to girls camp. And she also turned twelve.


Screamapillar also the skin of her teeth...


More family awesome: Cousin Jody went to the temple!


Cul de sac of Fire! happened, it was very messy.


We had a wet and wild family reunion.


We picked too many pears. I canned 21 quarts last weekend and didn't make a dent in the overall pear situation.


cover photos

Thing Two proposed to his Beloved, 


and even though he is nuts and comes from a crazy family, she said yes.


because I'm pretty sure she is nuts, too.



more details on the rest of that stuff later....

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Conversations with Eclair - Garbage Rustlers

It was 104 degrees out today. Hubby mowed the lawns and then insisted that he would surely perish if we did not go to get snow cones.

So of course, we did. Conveniently enough, Screamapillar works at a snow cone shack, so we visited her and left a little cooler and content.

On the way home, Hubby and I were talking about a problem at work.

Me: We've been getting lots of complaints about missing garbage cans recently up in the Indian Hills area.

Hubby: Seriously? Who would steal a trash can?

Me: Well, we'll send someone out from sanitation to look for the missing cans, and they usually find them downhill from their original location, with scuff marks down the backs. Prolly teenagers joyriding on the cans.

Eclair pipes up from the backseat: So they get in the trashcan and go downhill?

Me: Maybe. Or they ride on the side of the can or something.

Eclair: That would be really gross to be in a garbage can.

Me: Yeah. Pretty gross.

Eclair: That's kinda like what they do at Carls Jr. The big kids use the trays to go down the slide. They prolly shouldn't do that.......(long pause)....... but I only did it once.

Me: (trying not to laugh) Only once?

Eclair: But I won't do it again. 'Cause it's not really a good idea.

Me: Better than stealing a trash can, anyway.