Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Once upon a time, I got a great job with the most incredible people....

We had so much fun at work...

Some of the wonderful people moved on, and other fantastic people joined us...

Without fail, these people really stood by me when I needed them most....

Then one day, it was my turn to move on,
and it nearly breaks my heart to leave them.

I can only do it because there are some
   not-so-little-anymore people who need me more....

I'm going to miss my wonderful work family, more than I can say.

It's an incredible leap of faith to leave a job in this economy, but we will trust in the Lord that this is the right path for our family at this time. We'll be broke, but happy, and find more success in other aspects of our lives.

And we WILL do lunch, ladies...

Monday, December 30, 2013

The Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehood

I printed the Christmas cards again. They are actually in envelopes. Sans stamps, though, let's hope I get them out before Valentine's day...

This year, another TOP TEN: Awesome things that happened in 2013.

10. Thing One became a grandmother! How is this possible? Well, she had three cats and procrastinated getting them fixed. The male went out with a bang: two days after he got fixed, Thing One and Hot Latin Guy discovered that one of the females was preggers. She gave birth to four kittens, and then someone left a stray kitten on the doorstep. Eight Cats. Thing One has moved from "cat lady" to "complete lunatic." She continues to toil at Best Buy, where she has entirely too much access to awesome discounts on electronics.

9. Hot Latin Guy was hired as a Josh Groban body double. Or he could have been, If I hadn't made him cut his hair. He continues to toil at the software company (and did get a legitimate promotion, actually). He still denies me grandchildren. His mother and I continue to sigh loudly whenever the word "grandchildren" is used, but we haven't made much headway. We will continue the guilt trip in hopes of future success.

8. Screamapillar had a busy senior year. She graduated with high honors (being on the risers singing with the choir at graduation did elevate her slightly above some of the class, right?). She did get an actual lead in the school play, without having to break anyone's leg, and she did a lovely job. After graduation she was flooded with job offers: snow cone shack in East Bay, followed by snow cone shack in north Orem, and when snow cone season ended she went to work for McDonalds and developed a truly passionate hatred for fast food. The next job was with an essential oils company, but the high pay was just too much. She quit and has now accepted a position closer to home serving..... fast food.

7. The highlight of Luke Skywalker's year was his appearance as a character at the first SLC Comic Con. No one asked him to dress up, but he did, and he looked awesome. He also managed to rent himself out for actual pay in costume for a kid's party. Someone actually paid him to dress as Link and swordfight with a bunch of kids. This could become a  career he could enjoy... He continues at PHS having fun making movies and trouble.

6. The little one. Eclair. She for some reason thinks that she is not a baby anymore and decided to leave me. I suppose it was okay because it was only for a week. And it was only camp. So I think I'll survive. She started middle school, and has landed the magnificent role of "townsperson" in the upcoming performance of "Cinderella." She volunteered her mother to do costumes, again.

5. I lost 20 lbs!!! And then I gained eight of it back again. For details on this you'll need to read THIS POST. I spent the spring recovering, summer walking laps with Thing One at the new rec center, and fall planning The Big Event. I plan to spend winter eating chocolate and blogging.

4. Hubby has become a world famous blogger in his own right. Really. You should check it out:  He misses his doggie terribly, and won't even consider a new one yet. Work has been stressful this year, I think the garden has been his sanctuary. We got his secondary sanctuary finished in time for winter when he had to come inside out of the cold when we finally finished the next item on the list.

3. WE FINISHED THE REMODEL!!!! Really, truly, finished. Except for baseboards and molding. And a hall closet door. And shelving. And closet doors in Eclair's room. And curtains in Eclair's room. And the toilet we put in the new bathroom is leaking. And the ceilings haven't been painted yet. And we need a new light fixture in the hallway. And.... I guess we're not done yet. But Hubby has a new reading nook in the family room that he LOVES. And Eclair has her own room with an actual door, and a carpeted and fully lit play room under the stairs. And there are two fully functional showers to choose from. We'll finish eventually.

2. We had two awesome family reunions this year. Discovered new family in May, and got together with the same-old siblings and offspring for summer fun. There were lots of watersports and ammuntion. Fun was had by all.

1. BEST AND MOST WONDERFULLEST OF ALL - THING TWO GOT MARRIAGED!!! Finally making the plunge and becoming a full-fledged adult with an apartment they both hate and can't wait to move out of when the lease is up in April. (now that the wedding stuff is over...) We are so very happy!!!!!

We had a very fun and exciting year. We are so blessed in so many ways, and are thankful for all our friends and family (and new family) that enrich our lives. We hope you all had a wonderful year also, may the Lord continue to bless us all in the coming year.

With love, THe InSane RopEr FamIly.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!!! I haven't died or dropped off the face of the earth, just spending quality time with the family.

Here's a lovely video for you to enjoy while I have a few days with all my family, my parents, siblings and their families. Hope you Christmas was merry!

Tune in next week for the Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Outright Falsehood!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Making up for lost time

There have been comments.

Someone noticed that I haven't been posting, and actually remarked about it.

So I promised to post.

And here I am, posting.

I have been legitimately busy, and threw out a post in June just to keep the blog alive.

I have a lot to write about, but in the meantime, here's what we have been up to:

In May, I found a whole new family I didn't know I had. Geneaology is awesome.


We also started a HUGE remodelling project that we mistakenly thought would be rather small. We were fools, I tell you, fools.


Eclair got old and graduated. She also went to girls camp. And she also turned twelve.


Screamapillar also the skin of her teeth...


More family awesome: Cousin Jody went to the temple!


Cul de sac of Fire! happened, it was very messy.


We had a wet and wild family reunion.


We picked too many pears. I canned 21 quarts last weekend and didn't make a dent in the overall pear situation.


cover photos

Thing Two proposed to his Beloved, 


and even though he is nuts and comes from a crazy family, she said yes.


because I'm pretty sure she is nuts, too.



more details on the rest of that stuff later....

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Conversations with Eclair - Garbage Rustlers

It was 104 degrees out today. Hubby mowed the lawns and then insisted that he would surely perish if we did not go to get snow cones.

So of course, we did. Conveniently enough, Screamapillar works at a snow cone shack, so we visited her and left a little cooler and content.

On the way home, Hubby and I were talking about a problem at work.

Me: We've been getting lots of complaints about missing garbage cans recently up in the Indian Hills area.

Hubby: Seriously? Who would steal a trash can?

Me: Well, we'll send someone out from sanitation to look for the missing cans, and they usually find them downhill from their original location, with scuff marks down the backs. Prolly teenagers joyriding on the cans.

Eclair pipes up from the backseat: So they get in the trashcan and go downhill?

Me: Maybe. Or they ride on the side of the can or something.

Eclair: That would be really gross to be in a garbage can.

Me: Yeah. Pretty gross.

Eclair: That's kinda like what they do at Carls Jr. The big kids use the trays to go down the slide. They prolly shouldn't do that.......(long pause)....... but I only did it once.

Me: (trying not to laugh) Only once?

Eclair: But I won't do it again. 'Cause it's not really a good idea.

Me: Better than stealing a trash can, anyway.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Conbersations (she has a cold, you know) wib Eclair


a teaser before the commercial break while watching the evening news: Queen Elizabeth - just how long has she been on the throne?

Eclair: Looks like about a million years.


Do I have to take that coughing medicine?


But it tastes like old socks. My tastebuds said so.


Eclair is going to camp. Today she gave me a list of demands:


Here is a list of things for you to do:

1. Water the plants at 3:10. After that, feed my fish 3 Pellets. (His food)

2. Go to my facebook & help me on BINGO its easy. If its too hard do farmville.

3. Try to clean my fish's bowl.

4. Check the mail for letters. If yes, put them on my dresser.

It's going to be a boring week without her.
How will I survive?

Thursday, May 23, 2013

A Day in the Life

This is an actual day. It happened today. Today isn't over for about 63 more minutes, let's hope I don't have to add anything more....

6:30 am: Hubby's alarm goes off. He hits the snooze button. I return to dying from night sweats (can you say "hello menopause!").

6:50 am: Hubby (who claimed he was going to "get up and head in to work early" today) continues to slumber. I drag my sopping wet self outta the bed and go administer meds to my psychotic youngest children. Screamapillar is "asleep" on the love seat in the living room, her face stuck to the laptop keyboard. It might be interesting to hear her account of a "day in the life" later. Return to bed for "just another minute."

7:05 am: Screamapillar comes and pokes me and asks if I can take her to school "in five minutes." I am fully cognizant that "five minutes" will actually be twenty. I resume reading the book I fell asleep in last night until she might actually be ready to go somewhere.

7:25 am: Awaken Eclair and Luke Skywalker. Threaten to end their lives if they are not ready for school when I return from driving Screamapillar to school (yes, she's actually ready now). Oh, how I adore morning traffic.

7:45 am: Home again, I bellow to make sure people are getting ready for school. I am met with grumbling and moaning. They appear to be clothed, at least.

7:50 am: proceed to shower. Interrupted no fewer than four times by Claire asking ridiculous questions.

8:00 am: Whilst I am standing wet and wrapped in a towel, Luke Skywalker asks through the bathroom door "Mom, is the wagon still missing a tire?" "Yeah, why?" "Just wondering why Thing One just showed up, but that explains it." I proceed to get ready for work, the whole time going over the morning checklist with children through the door: "Are you wearing clean clothes? and underwear? and deodorant? Have you brushed your teeth? is there any homework you need to take with you? Are you even listening to me?"

8:10 am: "Mom, you really need to come see this...." Really? are you sure? because those words are rarely followed by something I would WANT to see...

About four centuries ago, we began a bathroom remodel. After many hours, we have drywall and some plumbing fixtures, but still no tub or potty. This is the picture I took by lowering my phone into the 20 inch deep hole where the bathtub plumbing is located. The cement slab you see is the bathroom floor. The legs are Luke Skywalkers. The shrubbery is a new cherry tree invading the basement from the roots under the foundation. It is already twelve inches high. This apparently grew here in the last week while Gpa and I were in California. I'll bet YOU wish you had a cherry tree growing out of a hole in your basement floor....

8:15 am: plead with Thing One to do something useful with her day before she goes to work, knowing full well that she will sleep on the couch and then be late for work....Gather up the Carmen Miranda dress and sombrero and drive the youngest two to school.

8:25 am: enter the melee that is the elementary school parking lot. It is remarkable the carnage that doesn't occur here on a daily basis. Let Eclair out at the curb with her accessories, and pray she isn't killed by idiot drivers before she reaches the door to the school. Give her five bucks she promises not to lose to put on her lunch account to get her through the next couple days without starving. Verify all of her activities for the day before she walks away.

8:27 am: In transit, call the high school attendance office, excuse Screamapillar absence because she skipped a class to take an e-school test. Call the business office to verify yearbooks were paid for.

8:35 am: arrive at the high school to drop Luke Skywalker. Go through daily checklist of which teachers he will talk to about which assignments, promising not to skip lunch again....Give him check and send him to the business office to pay for forgotten yearbook order. 

8:50 am: Oh my gosh, I got to work on time. And got one of the GOOD parking spaces - between two police cars. They NEVER park crooked, and they don't ding your car with their door.

10 am: cell phone rings. Can't answer, I'm on the phone with a customer. Call back, it was Eclair at school - she forgot a snack from Mexico for her presentation today. Hesitantly call Hubby. He's at work can't get away at all. Call Thing Two - he is groggy and driving Thing One to work. Refuses to go buy Mexican cookies and drop them at school. Return to work and hope for the best.

11:40 am: Call Thing Two again. Still groggy. Whines. Actually whines! about my asking him to take cookies to Eclair at school. Get grumpy with the boy and insist he take care of it. Back to work. More customers who don't know who they are or where they live but are firmly convinced they are adult enough to take on the responsibility for a utility account. 

12:20 pm: Another call from Eclair on the cell phone. Call her back at the school, she is concerned there will be no cookies. Negotiate with my awesome supervisor to slip away from 1:45 - 2:15 to get cookies and deliver them to the school. 

1:00 pm Dad calls my cell phone. On the phone, can't call him back. He calls desk phone. Still on the phone, can't answer that either. Get text from Dad. Carpet guy wants to come over. Today. Dad calls into the main queue, gets lucky and gets me, says carpet guy will be at my house at about 3:30.

1:45 pm: Dash from the office to the grocery store. Find cookies. They are cheap, hooray. Run to deli because I realize I have only had three crackers from my desk drawer to eat today. Girl in front of me wants to chat with deli-girl. Deli-girl appreciates the length of the line and tries to hurry her along. Then the miserable woman tries to pay using only pocket change. Smoke starts coming out of my ears....Get two chicken strips, eat them before arriving at the school and then take this awesome photo:   

Momma saves the day for sombrero girl.

2:15 back to work, crappy parking spot next to public works truck who parks crooked and over the line....grrrr.

3:05 pm: off work, scurry over to high school to pick up Luke Skywalker from Seminary. Wait fifteen minutes........Dash to elementary school because I promised to pick up Eclair. She is no where to be found. Fearing that I'm just making it worse, send Luke Skywalker into the school to look for her. He returns 10 minutes later - we forgot she has afterschool play practice, needs to be picked up at five pm. Phone rings: Dad. Ferando the carpet guy is at the house, where am I? THREE MINUTES AWAY. Okay?

3:40 pm: Shake hands with Fernando the carpet guy and proceed to give him a tour of the ground zero that is my house. Yes, we are in the middle of a remodel, but who cares? I have never been so humiliated in my life as I have to let him in to EVERY room in my wreck of a house so he can make sure the estimate he gave us is correct. Agree that neither of us wants to move the baby grand piano, knowing full well that we will be the ones moving it at this price. Date of carpet install has to be moved forward. We are five days away, folks, not sure how in heck we are going to be ready in time.

4:10 pm: Humiliation complete, I sit down at my computer and play Farmville for ten minutes. This is all the downtime I'm going to get today, give me a break. Negotiate with Thing One and Hubby to see which one is going to pick up Eclair from play practice because I have to be somewhere else. Try to call Girls Camp leader to tell her we have a conflict and can't make the parent meeting this evening at seven. Get voice mail and leave a message.

4:25 pm: Luke Skywalker and I leave for doctor appointment in American Fork. Again, may I say how much I love traffic? After spending a week with my sister in LA, I find myself driving VERY.....more aggressively than usual. 

4:59: pm: Arrive at doctor's office and wait 25 minutes to be seen. Luke Skywalker has lost six pounds since January - probably because he skips lunch. Discover he skipped lunch today because he had to dissect a frog in science immediately before lunch. After the appointment, hurry back home to take Eclair shopping for a dress for graduation (which is tomorrow). 

6:15 pm: Pick up Eclair and head to Kmart - make Luke Skywalker promise that he will only do homework until I get home. Yeah, right, like that's gonna work. Kmart clothing is completely unacceptable. Go to mall: JC Penny tween dresses are all backless for some strange reason. Hit the jackpot at Sears on the clearance rack of all places:

From the moment I picked her up, Eclair has been complaining of underarm pain - as she is trying on dresses, I discover that her lymph glands on one side are extremely swollen. Eclair refuses to put her arm down because of the pain for the entire shopping trip. Now that just makes my day.

6:45 pm: Gma calls. She is at the high school saving us seats for Screamapillar's concert. How soon might I get there? As soon as I feed a grumpy Eclair. Drive thru dinner: person in front of us had apparently never used a drive through before, and pulled up so far from the window that the poor girl was hanging out the drive up window all the way to her waist trying to deliver a fruit smoothie to the first-timer. Eclair is unhappy that there is no time to drive her back to the house. She has no desire to attend the choir concert. Feeling slightly better after eating, we go to join Gma.

7:08 pm: Get to the auditorium and haven't missed the beginning of the show yet, thank goodness. Gma is glad to see us. Eclair is grumpy. Then the show starts and strange things happen:

Yes, I'm sorry, those are men in tights.

Halfway through the show, Eclair is weeping from the pain in her glands, and I duck out to see if we can get an appointment - nothing available until 9:50. 

9:15 pm: finally drag Screamapillar away from her friends so we can go home. Spend ten minutes talking to Hubby, then off to the doctor in Orem.

9:45 pm: On our way to the doctor, I observe through someones' front window a Christmas tree. In their living room. Still decorated. And my thought is, "boy, I'm glad we got our tree down!"

10:00 pm. Seeing the doctor. He says the swelling is a reaction to the immunizations Eclair had yesterday. Up to six weeks of possible swelling, accompanied by "mild pain."

10:25 pm Home again. Set up Eclair with a heating pad, she's out like a light in just a few minutes. Gma calls to check on her, everything will be fine. Luke Skywalker is off to bed. Screamapillar (who should be working on homework) falls asleep next to Eclair. Only me still up to report on the day.

Be glad it wasn't yours.

Tomorrow, a play at 9 am and again at 7 pm, 6th grade graduation at 1:30, and somewhere in between, the slaughter of a small cherry tree...