Friday, January 27, 2012

Attending the Cinema

I hate going to the movies. Seriously. Don't get me wrong, I love movies. I just hate going out and sitting with the dim-witted, ill mannered sweating masses in a theater.

There always seems to be some sort of ...incident.....for example:

Once upon a time I had to shoot a wedding for a friend in Logan, Utah, many hours from my home. We went as a family, because it was also the kick-off to a huge family vacation that we had been planning. While I was taking photos (boring for everyone except the bride and groom), Hubby took the kiddos to go see the newest Disney release (on it's opening weekend, generally a big mistake).

They arrived in plenty of time to get seats together, and since there was still time, Things One and Two decided to go explore the restrooms. When they returned, they found their seats occupied and decided to sit elsewhere.

A young woman and her caretaker had taken the seats. When they first sat down, my husband told them that the seats were taken. The young woman (who we will hereafter call Wilma) was obviously handicapped in some fashion, and her caretaker (hereafter known as Betty), couldn't get her to budge. Wilma didn't care whose seats they were, she was there to see WallE and no one was going to move her.

No big deal since Things One and Two were 18 and 16 years old, and sitting on their own was not a problem. This left seating thus: Betty in the aisle seat, then Wilma, Eclair, Hubby, Screamapillar and Luke Skywalker.

Apparently the movie was not entertainment enough for Wilma. She brought a toy with her to occupy her time, and enrich the moviegoing experience for everyone in a three foot radius. First she extracted a shoelace from her pocket. She then inserted the entire shoelace in her mouth and chewed on it for a while.

The shoelace came out of her mouth again, this time with a plan of action.

She firmly grasped the shoelace with the thumb and forefinger of her left hand, and began to swing it over her head, lasoo fashion. It was just long enough to nick Eclair in the head with every revolution. Eclair was quite alarmed by this, and decided that she wasn't too big to sit in her dad's lap for the entire movie after all.

Wilma apparently noticed that the seat next to her was vacant. So she let the shoelace lengthen a bit, until it was just long enough to now nick Hubby in the head with every revolution. Appeals to Wilma and Betty both were pointless. Wilma wanted to watch the movie with her spittle coated lasoo swinging overhead, and there was no way to stop her.

Hubby and Eclair spent the duration of the movie leaning as far to the side as possible, practically watching the movie sideways, in order to avoid the liquid shrapnel.

A good time was had by all. And, man, was I glad I wasn't there. Because I don't do well in crowded theaters surrounded by idiots. Hubby is FAR more patient than I.

I'll have to tell you about going to see the last Harry Potter movie and it's attending incidents later. Because I'm deeply engrossed in a huge project I gotta go finish, which I shall blog about later also....

Monday, January 16, 2012


How many of you have ever used a doorknob in your life?

Silly question. I'll rephrase.

How many of you have NOT used a doorknob before? On a door that's supposed to have one. Probably a few less.

Mom is in the midst of painting. She has been 'painting,' since before I left for Mexico with Boyfriend [who still needs a blog name]. Keep in mind...that was before Christmas. "GOSH MOM, YOU'VE BEEN PAINTING SINCE LAST YEAR!" Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Anywho. Mom's current painting project has been the doors. Because doors are grubby and not quite so white anymore. And because mom thinks we don't have enough newspaper, she's removed all the doorknobs from the doors.

The past few weeks have gone something akin to this.

Its absurd, really how much you can take something as simple as a doorknob for granted.

Ever tried to open a door like this?

Yes, the actual knob part goes on the INSIDE, but when you have to get in? Well that's a bit of a challenge now, isn't it? And even on the side with a knob...that's even MORE troubling. Try pulling open a door when the knob comes out in your hand. You get places really fast.

Despite our pleas, we only JUST got the doorknob back for the bathroom. Two bedrooms and a closet still have no knobs. Some of us have voiced our desires to Facebook, in hopes that mother might see them in between playing her myriad of farming/harvesting/I-Should-Have-Never-Introduced-Her-To-FB games.

Desperation has reached a peak. Eclair tried to solve the problem. This is her solution.

Yes, those are Q-Tips. And...I really think nothing more needs to be said on this matter.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Food-making skillz

Tonite I went on strike. I made food only for those who could not be reasonably expected to feed themselves, Eclair and Luke Skywalker. The son of Vader can cook, but he had a ton of homework, so I took pity on him and made mac and cheese. Outta a box.

Yeah, I got mad skillz.

There was outrage from other, less helpless people who live in my house. They all can feed themselves, but are lazy. Oh, so lazy. At 22, 19, and 16 I have no sympathy. Thing Two had the wonderful idea to make calzones after I screamed for the 40 time "I AM NOT GOING OUT TO BUY PIZZA!!!"

He managed to put together all the ingredients himself, even if he cheated by thawing sauce from the freezer. His sisters got wind of the idea and started hanging around, I think they had some kind of stupid idea that he would make food for them, too. He thawed and rolled out dough, filled it with sauce and cheese, folded it over and pressed it shut.

The whole time he is slaving over pizza dough, Screamapillar is standing beside him critiquing his work. "That's not how you do it!" and "You're using too much sauce!" and "Not enough cheese!" I think that for someone looking for a free meal, she was doing a poor job of deserving one. He was ready to take the rolling pin to her head by the time he was done. And then she asked when was he making hers?

I'm sure you can guess the answer to that question.

As Thing Two's calzones were cooking and filling the kitchen with a wonderful aroma, the girls took matters into their own hands. They were forced to cook for themselves.

Now, I might mention now, that Thing Two's calzones were near perfection in both shape and composition. He's picky like that.

Here is what the Screamapillar produced:

If you guessed the atrocity on the right, you would be correct. Her older brother laughed aloud and mocked her messy pile of dough and sauce with it's assorted fork-markings most heartily, and said, "SERIOUSLY?"

All she had to say for herself was:

"All I know is that
were doing it
NEVER said
knew how to do it

Friday, January 6, 2012

Two things and a random photo

Two odd phrases heard around the house today:

"Well I just need to lose some more teeth!" -Eclair, trying to earn money to do after-school karate.

"Hey! Somebody ran off with the bathroom doorknob!" -Thing Two, who hasn't been helping with the painting at all.

And here's your random amusing photo I took in an elevator at the hospital:

At first glance, not so funny. But you need to take a closer look:

 Hadn't been worried about running into zombies in a hospital elevator before.

Now I'm terrified.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Arise and Shine Forth

We got to be part of a wonderful, unique experience last night. We joined the youth of five stakes at our stake center at the end of their New Year's Eve celebration.

The theme for the coming year is "Arise and Shine Forth," challenging our youth to let others see the light of Christ in their countenance. A worthy goal, indeed.

To kick it off, at midnight the kids were able to send off floating lanterns. Here's a few photos:

Out of focus Screamapillar

Eclair and Luke Skywalker

In focus, but too dark, dear Screamapillar

Hubby enjoys the perks of being a chaperone
Lots of wonderful youth

over 150 lanterns went up

and here's a fun video:

Happy New Year, everyone. May the coming year bring the light of Christ to you.