Friday, March 23, 2012

musical selections for your enjoyment

We're a musical family. All of us are big into music. The girls all sing in choirs and play piano. The boys play instruments like sax and clarinet. Even Hubby and I have put in a fair amount of time in choirs, aside from Hubby's recordings in high school and college.

Where we differ shows up primarily when we get in the car.

Sadly, my first choice these days is this:
I just need my news, traffic and weather to confirm my belief that driving is evil and should be avoided (even when KSL tells me traffic is fine....which it never is).

When driving Screamapillar to soccer practice Thursday, IMMEDIATELY upon entering the car, she changes my news radio before she has even closed the door or put on her seat belt:

Thing Two has finally gotten his driver's license. When he's driving, he has to listen to this:

I find it depressing. Who wants to listen to a song about dying all the time, anyway?

Luke Skywalker is just along for the ride. He seldom makes demands. But if allowed to choose, he's right on par with me. His selection would be:

Last week, Thing One borrowed my car to drive to Chorale practice. The next morning, when I started the car, I was greeted by this:

Much too often, Eclair misses the bus and needs a ride to school. And she always beats me to the car, just so she can put in her choice of cd before I get there. Here is what she selected for me day before yesterday:

Yeah. I was kinda surprised, too. I forgot we even had this.

But, all things considered, their choices are okay. I like a little bit of everything, and I'm the one who influenced their music choices early in their lives by playing everything from Oingo Boingo to Luciano Pavarotti and Broadway musicals to George Strait.

I can only be grateful that they have not inherited their father's taste in music. Here's what I heard from the cd player after he drove the van last week:


Tuesday, March 20, 2012


I seem to be ranting about hair lately. First, the sugar shampoo, now the ineffective hairspray.

I didn't buy a bargain one this time, just the same old brand I've been using forever. The bottle from the bathroom had mysteriously gone missing, as things often do in this house, so I just pulled another from the hall cabinet.

I don't really know why I wear hairspray anyway, I spend the entire day running my fingers through it in frustration, working it loose so my hair isn't so cripsy (maybe I should look at changing brands, after all). I suppose I just don't like the way my hair goes completely flat when it snows or rains or hails or is foggy or is hot or rains or snows ...again... So I suppose my method is "spray it into submission, then wrangle most of it loose for some kind of happy medium." Without hairspray, my hair quickly looks like THIS (click the link, I dare you).

But for the last few days, the hairspray didn't leave my hair tacky or anything. It was soft and manageable, but then would go flatter as the day progressed....almost like I had forgotten to put it in or something.

Getting ready for church Sunday was the last straw. I sprayed the hair, as I had the previous two days. Adding more just seemed to make it worse.  Finer mist than is normal, since I got this new bottle from the hall cabinet, I complained to Screamapillar that my hairspray didn't seem to be working.

She said she had noticed it too. Perhaps she could get a thumbtack and make the hole bigger for me? No, I'll just work with it, thanks.

I take a closer look at the bottle, to see if perhaps I had gotten "Super Limp Formula" instead of "Extra Hold." Funny thing, there is no label on this pink bottle. None at I do what any rational human being would do: taste it (well, I did smell it first).

Anyone like to explain why this bottle is FILLED WITH WATER?

I've been spraying my hair with water for the last two days. This pink bottle was the really the misting bottle I made a year ago for ironing, which some helpful person removed from the sewing shelf and put in the hall cabinet thinking it might actually be misplaced hairspray. Thank you, helpful person.

Church starts in ten minutes. There are no more pink bottles in the hall cabinet. The original pink (nearly full) bottle I used three days ago is MIA.

Here's how desperate I was: I REALLY looked at the spray starch. REALLY. How bad could it be to put spray starch in your hair? But thought, no, I'm not sure how well that would work without applying heat. Then I started seriously calculating how much Modge Podge diluted with how much water would make hairspray? And isn't white glue the same as Modge Podge, I'd just have to dilute it more? Or Thing Two's hair gel - that might do the trick, except that would look REALLY BAD.

WHY oh why, why do I practice these economies, one bottle of hairspray shared between six people. It has only set me up for disaster.

And then I came to my senses and started to use my brain. There is a nearly full bottle of hairspray, likely still in this house. So I search the gril's rooms, which ends with no hairspray and a deep and abiding desire to make a bonfire from their clutter. There is no point in searching the boy's rooms, since Thing Two uses wax or gel, and Luke Skywalker is forcibly hair-sprayed by me only on special occasions. Perhaps he has hidden the hairspray to spare himself from his mother's attentions? No, he doesn't think that far ahead (but I checked the boys rooms anyway).

IT has to be here SOMEWHERE.

As a last resort, I check the location nearest to where it went missing. And that was where if was found. At the bottom of the bathroom trashcan (which, luckily, was not filled with anything vile).

I was late for church. But at least I didn't look like Prince Valiant. And that's what is really important anyway.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Sleeping in on Saturday

I've discovered that if I don't blog it immediately, I forget. Lots of hysterical stuff goes on here, but my poor memory and hectic schedule often delays the posting of the hilarity to the point where I forget it.

So today, we try a different approach.


Thing One is sleeping on the couch in the family room. She had trouble sleeping, and prefers the comfort of the couch to her own bed. It is 8 am on Saturday, and her slumber will not continue for much longer.

I am the first to climb up the stairs and disturb her. Just going to wander the interwebs until it's reasonable to wake the masses and make them clean the house for tonight's birthday party in honor of the Screamapillar. Just to be annonying, I have found a bag of chips and start consuming them as loudly as possible (because deep down I resent that she continues to sleep instead of cleaning the bathroom or something).

"Oh, Mom, I'm so tired - I couldn't sleep. I had a terrible night."

"S'okay. I'm not getting anyone up for a bit longer, you can sleep until then."

I have forgotten that Eclair never needs waking on the weekends. She is up at first light, without fail, no matter what time she went to bed. Mind you THIS ONLY HAPPENS ON SATURDAYS. On any given day where she is supposed to be up, it ain't gonna happen...

This is where Thing One's true nightmares begin.

Eclair comes upstairs and greets me loudly, "Good morning Mom! Can you believe I am awake already? I think it's funny that I just can't sleep anymore Are cartoons on yet OH! Karen is still sleeping I'm going to get something to eat!" She then wanders downstairs to the kitchen, finds my cell phone, and loses her train of thought completely (Oh, forgot to mention this important bit: no meds have been administered yet, which is why this story is so fun!)

Eclair starts the playback on the cell phone of the two videos I took during her concert last week. She turns the phone up to full volume and wanders in to the living room. The volume is so loud that we can still hear it clearly in the upstairs room. Eclair begins singing along, also at full volume and very off key, with the video. Each video is about nine minutes long, and the second one is accompanied by the Guatemalan Drum players from BYU. She also attempting to play the music at the same time using the piano.

Thing One pulls the blanket over her head.

"Mom, are you going to get the videos off the phone today? (there had been a problem where the sound mercifully did not transfer with the video when I initially transferred them to the computer) I'll bet grandpa could fix it so they could work Can I call Grandpa? I bet he's still sleeping because he is old and he needs to sleep I want to post them to my facebook  Did I tell you that already I think I did You already knew that I'm so silly I forgot But I told my friends at school that I was going to put them on my facebook and they are waiting Do you think we can do that today? because I told my friends I would They would like to see them I think I should probably tag my self when we put them on Do you think that Joey can fix them Nevermind I think he will be sleeping and maybe playing video games because he does that all the time Or maybe grandpa can fix it because grandpa can fix anything When is he coming over again Or maybe we can just call him on the phone and he can tell us how to fix them and the sound will work I can just keep watching them on your phone until we can fix them but I think the battery is going to die soon Do you know where the charger is because I can charge your phone for you Aren't you going to make bacon this morning?"

Thing One pulls the pillow over her head.

"Oh you got Tampico I love Tampico Thank you mom for getting Tampico it is my favorite and I love it when you get it I better get some before everyone else gets up and there isn't any left Do you know where my favortie cup with the straw is?" She begins singing "For he's a jolly good fellow" using lyrics she has made up herself. Did you know that Jello rhymes with fellow? Eclair does.

**interrupted by the ringing of the phone**

I answer the call, explain to Screamapillar's YW leader that yes, she is planning on going to the meeting this morning, and I will make sure she is awake when her ride arrives in 15 minutes - I go downstairs, remind Screamapillar. She is mostly awake already, and was about to get up anyway.

I return upstairs, where Elcair is still wandering around, purposeless. She returns to the kitchen.

"Mom, aren't you glad that I found the cordless phone so you don't have to come downstairs to answer it I thought it was a good idea and it is because its easier because it hurts your knees to go up and down the stairs so much Don't you like that I did that? Did you see this that I made It's a football because I drew it on a paper and made this (goalposts made from a play family fence and pipe cleaners) you can play with it if you want I didn't make it for you but if you like it you can use it Fifteen plus fifteen is.........I don't know Mom what's fifteen plus fifteen Nevermind I think I figured it out When are you going to get off the computer I would like to look at my facebook Did you send me a nail yet? I need a nail and a brick to finish my Nursery on my farm Can you log on as me and check on my strawberries when you are done with that typing What are you playing Oh you're doing the blog Am I on it Please tell about me Because I love the blog When are you going to make bacon I think I can do it Do  you want me to try I think I can do it because I am very good at cooking except sometimes I burn things I am so hungry What's for breakfast Are we having stewed monkey heads Because you always say we are having stewed monkey heads but I don't think you have ever really made them have you?"

Ecliar begins singing "Going to Boston"

**horn starts honking outside, Screamapillar's ride is here**

Groaning noises begin from under Thing One's pillow.

The sound of Guatemalan Drums starts up from the cell phone video again...

A rumpled pajamaed Luke Skywalker wanders into the kitchen, says "You said there would be bacon." He scowls, and goes back to his room again, stomping as he goes.

Eclair starts singing "On top of spaghetti" again using original lyrics.

"THE CHATTER!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" She gathers up her blankets and pillow and stomps down the stairs to her room.

I'm going to give her ten minutes and then I'm going to go in to her room and start singing some show tunes, I think...right after I give Eclair her meds.


Friday, March 9, 2012

The shampoo that lasts forever.....

I bought a bottle of shampoo at the grocery store over a year ago. A lovely fragrance, too. Strawberries and cream. I didn't bother to pop the top and take a sniff before I bought it, because really, how could strawberries be anything  but wonderful?

It was super cheap, only 88 cents! There's still plenty of it left, a year later, despite the fact that it is only a 15 oz. bottle. Normally, a 15 oz. bottle would last about 15 days in this large household, but this shampoo is VERY SPECIAL.

Because when you put it in your hair, suddenly (with your eyes shut, because you are shampooing your hair, right?) you are wondering if perhaps someone has put THIS in the bottle instead:

Seriously. It's the identical fragrance. Cloyingly sweet and syrupy. Industrial strength strawberry.

No one seems to like it. After the initial use, each person rejected it outright. If there were no other shampoo options available, they would use the bar soap instead of this stuff. Like dwarf bread, this shampoo would last forever.

I finally bit the bullet. I'm a cheapskate, and it needs to be used instead of thrown out. I'll make the sacrifice and shampoo with the syrup. There's nothing wrong with it, really, it cleans my hair just fine.

I'm just worried that after a week's exclusive use, my hair might be developing diabetes.