Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Top Ten (or twenty) signs that your kid may have PDDNOS.

So if you know me personally, you likely know all about Eclair. Part of why she is so much fun is her lovely "disability," Pervasive Developmental Delay. Most days it just means that she's a bit behind other kids, struggles socially, and has to work a lot harder at school. It's pretty easy to spot if you try to have a conversation with her, she won't say anything you might expect from a child her physical age.

The last week has been kinda harrowing. Long story short, we changed doctors, the new doctor had to leave town suddenly for a family emergency, and we had a lapse in medication.

We haven't been without meds for about four years now, and I think we forgot how to cope.

(I don't want to get into a discussion about meds here, she's my kid and it's my decision, suffice it to say that this is what her parents have decided she needs and no nasty comments about it, please.)

Without pharmaceutical assistance, Eclair is.....challenging. I have literally been tearing my hair out, readjusting to having my nine-year-old daughter behave like a four-year-old. Thank goodness school is out and there's no real reason for her to have to concentrate on anything more complex than eating a sandwich.

Crazy things have been going on. Today I asked Thing One to help me compile a top ten. Here is the transcript of our Gmail chat this morning as we discussed the happenings:

me: Hola.

k: Yesh?

me: wen you have a sec to think about it, please give me three or more examples of Eclair insanity from the past week - new top ten for the blog?
k: Okay, I will brainstorm.

It took her precisely 45 seconds to chat back the first of our Top Ten (or twenty). For your entertainment (and so you can be thankful you are not me) here is the top ten (or twenty) list of insane things Eclair did this week in her drug-free state.:

1. k:  I caught her licking her hands and wiping them on the windows on Saturday when you went into hobby lobby.

2. And then there was the whole thing with the Chair yesterday.

3. She's been watching the same two episodes of Jimmy Neutron non-stop for three days.

4. And I was awakened by her screaming yesterday, and when I yelled at her to be quiet she pretended she wasnt there.

me: it's kind of scary how fast you came up with those. what thing with the chair?

k: 2a. Where the chair wouldnt stop squeaking and you told her to stop and she just didnt understand that first, she was breaking the chair, and second, it was making you nuts.
A little later I received the following text message:

5. Just remembered another one: She was dropping food off the balcony to the dog yesterday. Can't remember what.

Screamapillar had this to add:

6. "Mom, she spent most of the day today naked. And Jacob had his friends over. I can't do this anymore."

I was ranting to my dear Hubby after hours of dealing with our angel child, and Thing One quoted me on her Facebook status:

7. "...And I've got little miss merry sunshine running around screaming her head off with her underwear on sideways..." Sometimes my mother just says the most amazing things....

8. This morning I found this on the kitchen counter:

In case you are wondering, this is a shoe box. Which contains a glass jewelry box. Filled with mud and a handfull of pulled up grass.

And two slugs, a snail, and an earthworm.

Why? I have no idea.

8a: this statement when I asked her about the snail: "Apparently, he somehow got all salty and died. Poor Snailey." Eclair has learned that snails have a low tolerance for salt.

9. We went to a wedding for a friend and she spent about an hour trying to build something out of toothpicks and ice cream (when she wasn't rehearsing the "Helen Keller" breakfast scene at the dessert table). Then she made me take a picture of it: 

 10. We went to the hated Wal Marts for some stupid reason, and she spent the entire time running in circles around me humming, singing and yelling the theme song from "Indiana Jones." Why yes, you're right. It doesn't have any words.

11. She tried to dress the dog in some of the clothes from her "too small" pile.

12. She took a fast-food soft drink outta the trash can in the kitchen. I had only melted ice water in it, and had  only been there a few minutes, and she drank it. Then she came and asked me if it would make her sick (act first, ask questions later being her personal theme song). I told her yes, she was probably going to die, and don't eat things out of the trash can. Later when she was saying her prayers, she asked her daddy if Jesus could heal poison because mommy said she was going to die. 

13. She dug a pit the size of a Volkswagen in the sandbox in the backyard. I believe that most of that sand is currently in the bottom of my bathtub.

14. She became hysterical at least a hundred times over many scenarios including brushing her hair, putting her underwear on correctly, and putting away the mayonnaise.

15. Answering the phone today when one of her friends called she said: "Yo. Andrea. Wassup?"

16. She tried to setup the slip 'n slide during a pouring rainstorm last weekend.

18. She was ranting and raving her outrage that her calendar was messed up. It showed the first day of Summer is not until June 21, when everyone knows that school was over last Friday!

19. Took my largest stainless steel mixing bowl and applied a "hammered" finish to it. It now has a dimpled surface much resembling a golf ball.

20. Emptied the dishwasher as asked. Except she put EVERYTHING in the plasticware cupboard.

By the time I went to bed last night, I knew I couldn't take another day. I called the doctor's office and demanded they help me. "She was grooming the cat! GROOMING the cat! And NOT with a brush!"

My prescription was ready 15 minutes later.

Friday, May 27, 2011


Today was the last day of school. I don't know whether to rejoice, or lock myself in a closet.

I'm leaning toward  the closet.

So, with the early-out last day of school, the short people got home about 30 minutes before me (with El Guapo and Felicity there to prevent bloodshed). Right before I left my office to go home, my little friend Babe commented, "Hey, you've got Face Book on your phone?"

"No, I don't. Why?"

"Because your status just updated!"

"Really? Let me see?"

And she showed my on her smarter-than-me phone:

Julie Roper
My doughter, (Eclair) has passed on her grade! Cringrachulations sweet heart!
about an hour ago · Privacy: ·  · 

  • Britny Hooley Nilsson, Kimberly Juber Weeks and Allen Steele like this.

    • Eclair Roper Thank You Mom!
      about an hour ago · 

    • El Guapo Morris That's so great
      10 minutes ago · 

Seriously? Thanks for updating my status, sweetie! And then logging in as yourself and making a cute comment. But I think we need to work on your spelling. "Cringrachulations" is actually spelled:
S T A Y T H E H E C K O F F M Y P R O F I L E.
Otay? I love you, "doughter." You're always makin' me laugh.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Heard in our house this morning.

I just thought I'd share with you what we heard from Eclair this morning. She was singing in the shower, much to her father's delight.

Sing along, if you feel so inclined.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Puberty stinks.


Luke Skywalker has been thirteen for a little while now, but he's the runt of our litter so he's still pretty short. That's how he was able to get away with the vending machine begging and all...

Anyway, so as a young boy grows and matures, he starts to acquire....how shall we say this? An odor.

I've asked Hubby to review with the boy the whole "personal hygiene" thing, but as he has no interest in grils yet, he is unconcerned that his odor might be considered.....repellant.

Yesterday, everyone was running late. And as I said in that post, I'd rather they be prepared and miss the bus, than that they go to school smelly and without their homework. I asked Luke Skywalker if he had gotten up early enough to get a shower. His reply?

"No, but I put on deodorant."

Son, I don't think you understand.

Deodorant does not remove odor, it keeps it from happening in the first place.

I rolled my eyes at Hubby and asked that he try again to explain hygeine to the boy.

Here is Hubby's report to me on what occured:

After preventing several attempts by my son to escape from the shower this morning and in attempt to emphasize the importance of keeping friends and family happy through good personal cleanliness I fell back on an historical example. "You know the Mongolian Horde rarely bathed. They conquered most of Asia and half of Europe by merely riding upwind of their enemies. True story."

So my question now is: Hubby, were you wanting him to go out an conquer the world? or take a shower?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Conversation with Eclair

She missed the bus this morning. Some days, I'd rather drive them than rush them out the door unprepared. Luke Skywalker missed the bus for the same reason today, but that's a blog post for another day.

As we were driving the Eclair to school, we caught up with the bus. It was right in front of us. And the following is a transcript of the resulting conversation:

Eclair: "Hey! That's my bus! Number 15!"

Mom: "Yes, I noticed."

E: "My bus driver is a really good driver. She's not an idiot (can you tell what word mommy uses most on the road?)."

M: (trying to anticipate the buses' route) "Will she go through the round-about, or does she turn left before it to get to your school?"

E: "She says it's against the law for the bus to go through the round-about. So we can't do that anymore. She's gonna turn left."

***bus turns on left turn signal, starts to make left hand turn - mommy tries to pass the bus on the right hand side only to have the bus swerve back, cancelling the left turn signal and cutting us off***

E: "Oh! Sorry, Mom! She's usually a really good driver! She must be really tired this morning."

Monday, May 16, 2011

Improvements for Everyday Items - Chapter One

I had this great idea!

Automobiles really need two horns. Seriously.

The first would be all friendly-like. Like my current horn in my mini-van: Beep-beep! Meaning: Hi! It's me! Look over here and see me smiling and waving  because I haven't seen you in a while!

And the other would be like the foghorn in our wagon: HHHOOOOONNNNNKKKKK!! Meaning: You're and idiot AND a moron, LEARN HOW TO DRIVE!

Something tells me I would be using the second one most of the time.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

We found THE DRESS!

After much looking and seeking and trying on and frustration and trying to make it all work, we found The Dress. It is verily wonderful and cannot be shown quite yet because we're keeping it a  secret   from the groom.

Lovely Felicity has very nearly taken up residence in our home, it's like getting a new daughter. One who actually listens to me and doesn't talk back, by the way...

And the wedding plans continue to grow and flourish. Unlike my garden which languishes due to the horrible weather we have been having. My dining room table is buried under piles of wedding invitations in various states of completion. We had our Mother's Day dinner in the living room because no one wanted to disrupt the process. Hopefully they will be mailed shortly and people can start messing up the table again.

Here's what's left on my checklist:

 - Making minor alterations to Felicity's wedding dress and adding a French train (and keeping El Guapo from getting a peek at the dress).

 - Making some sort of whimsical floral peice for her lovely naturally curly hair (also hidden from El Guapo).

 - Making a flower girl dress for Eclair (El Guapo can see this, Eclair doesn't care).

 - Helping the nearlyweds to acquire household goods and fill up my newly cleaned out garage with more stuff that doesn't belong to me.

 - Taking lots of wedding and bridal pictures for a couple of different lovely young ladies over the next few weeks.

 - And planning a brief vacation to my hometown in California for the wedding.

It makes me very thankful that I don't have to plan the reception!

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Okay, I can't resist.

I have to .

Really I do.

I HAVE to post a photo.

We did a real short bridal session.

On Sunday, before the tulips all perished.

Of Felicity in her dress!

It's a LOVELY dress!


I must share it!

Don't tell El Guapo.

If he's nearby, tell him you're doing a Google Image search on toenail fungus so he won't want to look.


(You should open another tab with pictures of toenail fungus just in case.)

Are you  ready?

Are you in an "El Guapo Free" zone?

Here it is:

Don't you just LOVE IT!

(So there, El Guapo. That's what you get for sneaking a look at your beloved's dress on your aunt's blog. El Guapo tried to sneak a look. So we had to hide it fast. By throwing a petticoat over it. I think it works, how 'bout you?)

So here's a real sneak peek -- our beautiful bride to be, with the dress artfully hidden from view:


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day - A top ten list for children everywhere...

Here are the top ten phrases I have used, things I NEVER would have said if I weren't a MOTHER:

10. Leave your brother/sister alone!

9. No, I don't know where your shoes are, I haven't worn them recently.

8. Turn off that movie/computer/video game and go do your homework.

7. Boredom builds character. Go look for something to do - or better yet, clean something!

6. No way, no how, not on your life!

5. Have you brushed your teeth this month?

4. You're wearing THAT?!?

3. No, you may not eat ice cream for breakfast.

2. There's only one left. Learn to share and do it now.

1. "Thank you for the runny eggs, the burned toast and the is this bacon? The watery orange juice is especially lovely when combined with the french toast! What a WONDERFUL breakfast made by my WONDERFUL children! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Friday, May 6, 2011

Have you ever clicked on a link while looking for something online, and ended up finding the last thing you could possibly ever expect? It happened today. Again. So because I'm so nice and amazing and all, I thought I'd share.

"Personal Flag" - which inspires me to think "Captain Moroni and the Title of Liberty." The story being that this was their standard going into battle: "In memory of our God, our religion, and  freedom and our peace, our wives and our children."

Thanks for the visual, Arnold Friberg.

What's your standard? If you were looking for a "Personal Flag" what would you want it to look like?

Mine would read similar to Captain Moroni's, but it would have to be hemmed a little more neatly. We made one once, a Pack Flag with my cub scouts about what was important to them (mostly Lego's). 

Today, though, when clicking on "Personal Flag" on Etsy, I found THIS:

Hmmm. Not quite what I was thinking!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Happy Star Wars Day!

It's that magical day again! In celebration, here is one of my favorite songs in the world. Screamapillar and I not only sing it together, but we will text the lyrics to each other at random intervals during the day for our own amusement. That, my friends, is a nerdy sisterhood.