Hoppy Brid-day!

Once upon a time I had the cutest baby in the world. We named her Thing One.

See? Cutest baby in the world.

Then one day she freaking grew up overnight when I wasn't looking.

It just isn't fair.

Happy Birthday, little one.

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Borrowed grandchildren

Happy birthday to my Seeeester! She's REALLY REALLY old. Seriously. So, so close to 50...at least closer than me!

So today I post about her lovely grandchildren who I have the happiness of tending twice a week. Because they are adorable and fun. And then they go home before they get grumpy. I can really understand why grandma's love grandkids. But I'm not ready for any quite yet, because I'm not REALLY REALLY old like my sister yet...

So Pedro and  Gabbie were visiting this week, and Gabbie got out her favorite toy. You know how it works: the favorite toy must be the LOUDEST and MOST DIFFICULT TO USE FOR HER AGE and HAS THE MOST SMALL PIECES IMAGINABLE SO THEY CAN BE MISPLACED AND/OR PAINFULLY TRODDEN ON.

For Gabbie, it's the marble drop.

If I had to describe it, I would have to say it's something like Chinese water torture. The marbles keep dropping. and dropping. and dropping. Endlessly. In this one instance, the attention span of a two year-old is 72 hours straight. She never tires of it. Ocassionally, she will put in too many marbles at a time and they get jammed up in the intersections. And then she gets mad. Really mad. Like this device is deliberatly conspiring to deny her her rightful entertainment and joy. I must say that my favorite part is when they get jammed, because the endless dropping ceases for a moment...

Somehow, there are always a few marbles that escape when it's time to clean up. The easiest way to find them is to just walk across the room as if you were a normal person with nothing to fear from your carpet. It hurts a bit (especially if you have advanced artrhitis like me) to step on a marble. Especially if you're not expecting it (although why you would step on a marble on purpose I cannot imagine). So I blew a gasket at Eclair (because I have delegated all Gabbie-cleaning-up-after to her) and told her to round up all the marbles so I wouldn't keep stepping on them! When I came back in the room, this is what I found:

Who knew she would take "rounding up the marbles" so literally.

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Sweet Sixteen Party - On a Budget

Yeah. On a budget.

I'll never be on one of the tv shows about over the top Sweet Sixteen parties. Because frankly, I have other things to spend my meager funds on. Like food. And shelter.

But, man, we had one amazing and fun party last weekend. And we didn't break the bank.

Our Invitations were CUSTOM MADE....at home by me & my kid. Screamapillar and I spent under three dollars on paper and embellishments, and made 45 invitations. Why 45? Because I'm so very stupid...



The larger group was invited via a facebook event, and that was free. I got pretty lucky, actually, as many of her friends are drama kids who were unable to attend due to a play performance that evening followed by a cast party.

It's not a party until you Decorate. For us this means 47,312,061 curled ribbons hanging from the ceiling. This is skilled labor, because they must be perfectly curled....or not.

Usually, decorating involves an exorbinant amount of balloons as well, but there was an....incident....that prevented me from making it out of the house even once the entire day (okay, I was violently ill and sleeping for much of the day where I wasn't tossing cookies, so it was a really good thing that I wasn't involved in any food prep and that Wren came over to play "auxillary mom" because anyone who had any usable skills was elsewhere on Saturday!). So we used what we had on hand: water balloons. And more ribbon. I did not spend a dime here, as everything was already in the party box. Oh, wait - I did buy a roll of tape.

No comments are necessary on the lameness of my front door. We did our best. And yes, it needs to be painted. I will welcome suggestions as to color. Back to the party commentary, please.

Choose your battles. Yes, I make and decorate great Birthday Cakes. But I knew that I would be cleaning and decorating the house until the last minute, and I was expecting the population of Madagascar to show up, so I cheated and ordered one from Costco. Thank you, Costco. You never disappoint. It was yummy, and cute, and all I had to do was send Hubby to pick it up.

It had the added bonus of being an item that was to be intentionally lit of fire.

Teenagers + Fire = Fun.

Teenage boys eat lots of Food. I know this because I have a lot of experience with teenage boys. They live at my house AND date my daughters. And they eat (so do teenage girls, but they are more discreet and less desperate looking about it). So meager bowls of candy and chips would likely be insufficient for the hoard that was expected to invade my domicile. Solution? Nacho Bar! I worked concessions at the University, and ran concessions for the football games at the high school for a couple years as a choir fundraiser. Nachos were always a big hit without a big outlay of cash. I also had some grapes and carrots with dip - seriously - if I made a veg tray, they would only have eaten the carrots anyway. Then lemonade and water to drink. Oh, and the Yoda Soda (pictured below). They liked it. They were happy. And I was not depelted of funds.

Entertainment was easy. Teenagers are easily amused, and generally can entertain themselves. I helped the process along a bit by making a Very Embarrassing Video of the Screamapillar, which I made the group watch. It was a tremenous success, even though she was completely humiliated.

 Here is the Screamapillar, trying valiantly not to die of embarrassment while all her friends sing along to the music on the video at an alarming decibel level. They also spent some of the time watching Brian Regan videos on NetFlix. Good clean fun.

Games were pretty easy too, and we only managed two of the three we had planned, and they were "awesome," according to the kiddos. First was Cracker Back. The idea here is three fold:

One -- Thread a string through the holes of a saltine cracker.

Note: if you are a boy, claim that your fingers are too oversized and manly and ask the pretty girl next to you for some assistance. This part of the game could almost stand alone. It encourages cooperation between the sexes. And creates an avenue for mild flirtation (which is the desirable underlying element of EVERY game when you are sixteen).

Two -- tie the threaded cracker to your center back beltloop. See Note above as to how this is to be  achieved.

Three: Each person gets a rolled up newspaper, and tries to smack and break everyone else's cracker without getting their own cracker broken.

Additional note: If you have an "outside" you might want to send them there. And do this before it gets too late so your neighbors do not hate you quite as much.

Holy crap, but they loved this game.

Next up? Bigger and Better Scavenger Hunt.

I spent many hours of my youth participating in this very fun waste of time. The rules? Divide into groups. Each group starts with a single paperclip. Travel from house to house. Convince whoever answers the door to give you something "bigger or better" than the paper clip. Go to the next house and trade that item for something "bigger or better." Rinse, and repeat. You can't go to your own house. Items will not be returned. You cannot trade for things that draw breath (house plants okay -- snakes not so much). Be back by the specified time or your group is disqualified.

(this activity offered the added benefit of emptying 40 teenagers from my home for one peaceful hour.)

Before long, these items appeared in my front yard:  propane tank, tire, spinning wheel, gallon of pancake syrup, television set, bicycle frame, and a window pane.

Screamapillar's group was ten minutes late and disqualifed, so we made her be the judge. The had to "sell the product" and convince her why their object was "bigger or better."

One group came back with a person (because I forgot to mention the "breathing" rule) and won for "better," solely because of the "saucy pose" struck by the person brought back. The tv came in first for "bigger" because of it's tremendous weight. Anybody want to haul the other stuff out of my yard, please?

Here's the breakdown:

Invitations $3

Costco cake $17

Nachos w/toppings, veg and drinks $28

Decorations $0.99  

Games $ 2.17 (saltines)

Yoda soda $6
(paper goods already on hand leftover from 'cul-de-sac of fire')

So my party cost $1.27 per invited guest.

*** ascend soapbox ***

Recently, in a nearby city, a mother hosted a birthday party for a six year old. It made the papers.

And was on tv. Because they spent $32,000 on this party.

I can think of a lot better things to do with $32,000, and not one dollar would be spent on spoiling my child and giving them an unrealistic entitlement attitute. Next year, if we play "bigger and better" we (the teenagers and I) discussed how it might also be used to collect a can of food at each house and donate it to the food bank.  Hmmm. Good idea.

*** descend from soapbox ***

 There were some fantastic, right minded teenagers at my house. They didn't ask for much, just some good clean fun. They were polite and well behaved, kind and inclusive of one another. They sang "Happy Birthday" to my daugher very loud, and deliberately off key in different tempos (see photo above). They laughed, they joked, they sang along to the video and seemed to have a great time. They offered thanks as they went out the door. They loved my kid enough to show up.

It was awesome.

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MUWAHAHAHAA.....

Okay, I can't wait any longer. I'm so  excited about October! Halloween is my absolute favoritest holiday ever. I go all out. More so than even Christmas, which is kinda sad. I've been setting up a blog post for EVERY DAY next month, and I'm changing the header early because I'm so excited.

There will be lots of craft ideas, costumes and recipes, and  just general fun. Hope you'll join us, because I think Thing One might finally be rejoining us as a contributor to the blog.

By the way, Tomorrow is Thing One's birthday, and in her honor I'm posting a BEAUTIFUL picture of her. One where she dressed up and was prepared to have her photo taken. On purpose. This is, of course, a change from my usual habit of posting embarrassing photos of my poor offspring. In fact, I believe the primary function of this blog is to make them regret I am their mother......SO here is my Lovely Flattering Picture of My Beautiful Firstborn Who is Turning 21 and Can Now Buy Beer But She Won't Because She is a Good Girl:

LOVE YOU SWEETIE! Now, if there are any eligible young men out there who read this blog (or if you KNOW an eligible young man and want to help me out here...) YES! She's available! We'd love to marry her off because the Screamapillar and Eclair are tired of sharing a room.

Yes, I'm done embarrassing you now, dear. Unless you want me to tell about that time when you were 2 and you....OUCH! QUIT BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH YOUR LAPTOP! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S STILL UNDER WARRANTY, YOU MIGHT DAMAGE ME! WHAT? YOUR INTENT IS TO DAMAGE ME? WELL TOO LATE!!!!!! I'M CLICKING "PUBLISH POST" NOW AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO STOP ME! MWAHHAHAHAHA!
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Simple = Success

Eclair had a birthday! What can I say? August is a big month for us. Neither of our childern who where born in August were DUE in August. One came three weeks late just out of contrariness. He should have been born before my birthday in July. The other came two weeks early solely to make the kindergarten cutoff. She thinks ahead, that little girl. And now she's (count 'em) nine.

But I digress. We were discussing ANOTHER birthday.

I SO COMPLETELY LOVE THROWING PARTIES. Kid parties especially. I was even asked to teach an evening class on kid parties at the local JC many many moons ago. So. Completely. Love them.

I think too many of us over think and over plan children's parties. Spend HOURS of time preparing for them. And way too much money. I've seen parties on the internet that make me ill. Where hundreds of dollars are spent, weeks are spent on preparation, and the kid is only two, and won't remember a thing. Is this party being thrown for the child? or the other attendees the parent would like to impress? I have thrown a few whopper parties (someday I'll blog those, just to contradict this post, k?) but they are the exception, not the rule.

I truly believe that, especially for younger children, simplicity is the key. So let's review Elclair's party as an example.

Start with homemade invitation, sent out about a week in advance. Two invitations, actually: one handwritten with crayons, mostly illegible, made by birthday girl, accompanied by a card that mommy made with the most important information that parents might like to have (like date, location, time, etc.).

As we were making the invitations, we discussed what we wanted to do at the party, and came up with a list of possible activities. We may or may not use them all, and all require little planning.

The day of the party, I baked a homemade cake at 8:30 am (it is August, you know, just trying to beat the heat).

I roused the sleeping troops and gave cleaning instructions. Only Hubby got up and starting helping. Screamapiller eventually joined him, Thing One left for work and abandoned us to our fate. Thing Two was difficult to rouse. He eventually arose and grudgingly participated (why yes, he was the contrary child who was born three weeks late now that you mention it....). Luke Skywalker was absent, gone with the scouts to spend the previous night camping on top of Timpanogos in the rain. The birthday girl was singing and playing on the computer,using her feet to type for some unknown reason. She's excused from chores in honor of her birthday.


At 10 am, Eclair left and went to a party at the church. Thing Two and I went out and acquired provisions: beach themed gift bags & leis from the dollar store, treats & balloons from the grocery store. And buying the TOP SECRET present from us & grandma & grandpa.

Pickup Eclair and take her out to lunch, return home and finish cleaning kitchen, start decorating cake. Assign tasks to 2 children & hubby to finish prep for party. Eclair puts together 20 gift bags - when we realized we needed 20, we decided to include only a can of Country Time and a Little Debbie treat -- because all they really care about is taking a goodie bag home -- they don't particularly care what is in it.

At 2pm guests arrive, Eclair gives each a lei, and exclaims in wonder over the wrapped present, and takes the guest to the slippery slide which is our gathering activity.

The idea behind this was "Everyone isn't here and arrivals will be staggered, so lets just slide and play until about a quarter after." Yeah. Great idea. Couldn't pull them away -- so this lasted about 35 minutes. As you can see, no one is having any fun yet. Poor Kay, above, is being tortured as you can see.

Then we played a game I had not heard of before. Screamapillar found it on the internet and thought looked like fun. Throw a bunch of   ice cubes  into the kiddie pool and make them pull them out again -- USING ONLY THEIR TOES.

This was a lot of fun. We had so many kids that we had to take turns -- Unfortunately, it was August -- in Utah.  And the ice cubes didn't last long. You can see two feet on the right there trying valiantly to grab the last couple of surviving ice cubes. They really enjoyed this, I recommend it big time.


Next up was a game Eclair chose, which she calls "Drip, Drip, Drop." Think "Duck, Duck, Goose" with water. Eclair has a bucket full of cold water, and a very large sponge. Drip a little on each child, then squeeeezzeee out the sponge on whoever you want to "goose."

There's Eclair in her saggy baggy bathing suit (why did she not wear the cute one?) dousing little Jazzy. Jazzy pursues Eclair, and then takes a turn herself. Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat. This game, also, was loved so well it was hard to move on to the next one.


Into two circles this time, for "Hot Potato." Our water version was a little bit different. And wetter, of course. Use a pin to poke a hole near the knotted end of the water balloon, causing it to spring a leak. Pass around the circle until it deflates or bursts.

Laugh and giggle because "Look! It's peeing!!!"  This one was great. They loved it! Then they had the bright idea of adding a second balloon. And a third.

Then it evolved all by itself into the next planned activity: Water Balloon Fight. Timing determined by kids having a good time. I think. Look below and judge for yourself.

Well, Sallie looks a bit startled and wet, but everyone else looks happy. This is the point of a party. Or at least it should be. Not how much you spent, or which exclusive clown or cowboy you hired. Not which kid's parents think you're a Martha Stewart clone.

Those smiling faces are why I love parties.

The next activity was "Picking up expired water balloon carcasses from the lawn," which they did quickly and happily because I promised them cake and ice cream.

Okay, so here's where you think I'm insane, and I am. There were 16 kids, including Eclair, at this party. I don't recommend this unless you also are insane. And you are throwing the party out of doors. Because it got REALLY CROWDED at cake time.

This is why we had 16 kids: Eclair is different. She's our PDD kid, and has some social issues. She is fortunately friends with some VERY AMAZING KIDS. Who love her despite her disabilities. Our family rule had always been to invite as many kids as you are old, and it has been a pretty good rule until Eclair came along. It would break her heart if she had to turn a friend away. So she invites EVERYONE. Luckily, some of the many friends have other commitments and keep our numbers from getting out of hand. A few hours before the party, I got a call from G's mom. Apparently, a fight had broken out at her house because of this party. She has four children ages 4, 4, 6 and 7. G is the 7 year old, and a close friend of Eclair. She argued that the invitation was for her, and only her. Everyone else claimed that it was an invitation for all, because they all love Eclair and are her friends. Guess what? All came and were welcome. Only four of the children in attendance didn't bring a sibling who was also invited.

We are very very blessed in the friends who love our daughter.

Here is the cake. One of the favorite ones I have ever made. Slop on some blue icing (poorly mixed so you get dark blue, light blue and white so it looks kinda like water) with an assortment of sea creatures piped on. Lots of sea creatures: two octopus, one squid, three crabs and a lobster, fish, coral and seaweed everywhere else. Because everyone wants a piece with eyeballs. Extra icing in decorating bags on the side in case I need to add additional eyeballs to cut pieces of cake. Look: they're still not having any fun.


After the cake & ice cream have been consumed, we remember there are presents to be opened. I love this photo:

Eclair is examining the little pet. The two girls in orange leis, who have given it to her, are looking for Eclair's reaction. The two girls behind Eclair on the couch are just a little excited about the amazing present. Everyone enjoys the opening part, especially the givers. Eclair is the youngest of five children. None of them play with toys. Eclair has fallen heir to ALL of their toys. We don't need any more. But none of the parents listened to me and everyone brought too many presents. Eclair was elated.

Parents arrived to take happy wet children home with their gift bags. And I was wrong about the gift bags: they did care what was in them. The boys refused the bags with pink cans of strawberry lemonade and came back to trade me for the yellow regular lemonade ones. Whew. That was rough. A note on gift bags: I don't get lots of annoying whistles, cheap toys & sugary candy for the bags because I love my friends, the parents of these children. It's the least I can do for them to not send a bunch of garbage in a bag to their homes. The idea is to find something NOT JUNK to put in the bag. So you're not spending your hard earned money on stuff for the purpose of filling a bag, stuff that's going to be in the garbage can tomorrow.

I call it a success. Eclair and Company had a great time. Got wet. Laughed, giggled, played games, and ate too much cake and ice cream from generic party plates.

And she spent the rest of the day shooting me with a squirt gun "FILLED WITH POISONOUS WATER!! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!!!"
 The games never end.
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Hubby had a birthday...

And I cheated. I do that. A lot.

I bought the cake at Costco. Thank you, Costco bakery, for making life easier.

Why yes, you did read that right: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS

Am I mean, or what?

Actually, I'm truly evil.

This was the cake for the summer birthday's party. Note: Two girls, LOTS of boys. I love how Thing Two in incapable of keeping his eyes open when a flash is deployed.

My husband asked for pie instead. My brother too. And my son.

????

My wonderful nephews just ate cake and said thank you.Oh, that's right. They have overbearing control freak sisters, so they knew better than the men how to keep a low profile and not make waves. Good boys.

Happy summer birthdays to ME, Hubby, Thing Two, Eclair, my little bro and an assortment of nephews.
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I turned 29 again

My epic birthday present was a clean garage. I didn't do too much of the actual cleaning, but without me it couldn't possibly have happened.

Okay, it would have happened, but it wouldn't have been done MY WAY which is the ONLY way, right? It would never have been accomplished correctly without me to stand and point (or sit and point) where everything was going to go.

I spent Thursday through Sunday being pampered and spoiled by my dear Hubby, who kept asking every 45 minutes "Isn't there something you want to buy for your birthday instead?"

It's not so much that he was trying to shirk the whole cleaning the heinous garage chore. In fact, he worked harder and longer on it than all the childern combined.It's just that he couldn't fathom why I would want that for my birthday present. It's a long story, that involves my dear mother-in-law and all her earthly belongings.

We were worried  we would lose her at first -- five surgeries and extended hospitalization. Followed by a lengthy rehabilitation where she regained some skills - walking and talking again. Me, I was taking care of a very worried and high maintenance father-in-law, maintaining two households: cooking and cleaning and laundry. After a few months, when it came time for her to go home, we decided that a six bedroom home on two levels was beyond her capablities, and assisted living would be better for everyone. She still gets an independent space of her own, food service for her special diet at her fingertips, nursing care and medication management to give everyone peace of mind. And help for taking care of a very high-maintenance grandpa.

Now if only we knew what to do with all the stuff she acquired over the last sixty-odd years that's in that enormous six bedroom house.....

We had tons of help from family -- they all took something -- my sister got some much needed bookcases, the cousins needed beds and misc. kid stuff. Uncle Dale found a home for SO MANY things that I would have had no idea where the need was. A family in our neighborhood desperately needed a new fridge to replace a broken one. Another friend took some couches off our hands. We made a dozen trips to DI with much of it. These items were a blessing to so many.

But there was still a ton left. Here are some scissors.

 If I counted correctly, about 32. This was less than half of what I found. I think the final number was in the 80's somewhere, when we lost track and stopped counting.

Photographs, paintings, Christmas heirlooms, personal papers. Enough to make and encyclopedia set of scrapbooks. Twelve encyclopedia sets of scrapbooks. And then there was the costumes and fabric (my MIL is a very talented seamstress and has costumed tons of plays -- even though I am hers only by marriage, any abilities I have in this regard came from her) and tuxedos. Many ....interesting.... tuxedos.

The funky 70's lime green tuxedo was claimed by my... interesting... neice. Yes, she wears it. She's dramatic like that. Many of the others have found homes with the many performing arts kids that are friends of my kids. I gave them where the need (once again) was great, and they were appreciated.

Much of the fabric was claimed by cousins, the rest is in my garage. With the tuxes. And the photos. And papers, decor, furniture and STUFFFFFFFFF!!!!!! The garage was sooooo full, you couldn't walk from the front to the back.

This is why I wanted a clean garage for my birthday. Hopefully it will be done soon. We are SOOOOO close! Just a few more hours of sorting and tossing.

Here is the before photo so you might begin to appreciate the task at hand. Unfortunately this doesn't show the whole mess, some of it had been moved into the driveway in order for Screamapillar to be standing there:

What you can't see is worse. Behind that bookcase on the right is the back door to the garage. Things are piled to the ceiling back there, and the door is completely inaccessible.

When the "after" is ready, I will post for you to see our wonderful progress. Makes you want to go clean out your garage, doesn't it?

Or go hide under your bed.

If you need me, I'll be under mine. Bed, not garage. Just making that clear.
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It's My Birthday & I'll Blog if I Want To

Hubby has a dilemma.

It is my birthday this weekend, and he doesn't know what to get me.

I'm not helping.

I told him I just want to clean out the garage.

Really! There insn't anything I really want or need unless you count new carpet which ain't in the budget.

So I need some ideas, people. What do I want or need?

A massage? (I know a great one: Marcia at Massage Studio above my dentist's office -- she's amazing and she fixed my back last winter, big time)

A trip to Hobby Lobby?

Paint for my bedroom?

See, I don't want stuff, I want to DO stuff!

Like clean out the garage.

So if anyone has any ideas of some little thing for Hubby to get me that still leaves me money to buy paint for my room, leave a comment.

Thanks.

And yes, I will be 29.

Again.

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