Haiku - for my still-not-functioning home computer

like a foul dead fish

that expired processor

has stunk up my life.

.

c-c-c-cold. a poem.

early morning chill

it is December

my breath making frosty clouds in the air

as my sweetie and I

thaw our frozen inflexible fingers

by the warmth

of the kitchen stove.

"So.

Do you think

that maybe

we can get a new blower motor for the furnace today?"

Abandon all hope ye who enter here

My bathroom has a problem.

When we moved in, the bathroom lock worked so well that sometimes you couldn't leave the bathroom. I tried in vain to repair it, then replaced it instead. With a shiny, pretty new silver doorknob with privacy lock.

The new one has the opposite problem. Oh, it will look like it is locked. And if you are on the inside, it is not easy to turn the knob.

But if you are on the outside, there is no resistance at all. You could walk in on anybody.

Surprise!

Kinda like putting the one-way glass in backwards or somethin'.

We have had a lot of house guests lately, and I grow weary of verbalizing the warning to each guest "Knock first, and never assume you have any privacy whatsoever."

Here is my solution (it is cheaper and funnier than buying another doorknob - yeah, I know, I'm cheap):

1. Retrieve 5x7 frame from box o'frames under my baby grand.

2. Spend ten full minutes removing dust.

3. Take out to the back lawn and spray paint it PINK (wouldn't want anyone to miss it, would we?)

4. Keep the dog from licking the wet paint when Luke Skywalker lets her out of the kennel by accident.

5. When it dries, compose verse, print, insert in frame and hang.

6. Take a picture for the blog.

And thar she blows, mateys:

The Bathroom
A poem by Mommy

Once there was a potty
that had a creamy door
With slippers, clothes and bath toys
strewn across the floor.
As if it wasn't hard enough
to navigate this mess
we added a new challenge
in error, I confess.

The portal that you enter
is not at all secure
you may think that you have locked it
but of this you can't be sure.
So, please, before you enter
knock once, or twice at least.
So some poor soul before you
can hope for a little peace.

Don't say we didn't warn you
it's the least that we could do.
Beware the broken doorknob
Before you're it's victim, too.

Thanks for tuning in, folks. Hope it was worth the two minutes of your time.

P.S. I wonder how long the duct tape will hold?

Ode to the Tangerine Sentinel

You.
With your legion of comrades
stretching down the freeway into oblivion.

I see you every day
everywhere I go
from the green slopes of Highland
to the desolation of Payson
bright as the sun
ever vigilant
unwavering.

Mostly.

Except your fallen bretheren
taken out by oblivious texting drivers
recumbent
ignored
until UDOT tips them
right side up again.

I see you every night
everywhere I go
your bright stripes aglow
with my reflected high beams
lighting the narrow luge-like strip
of freeway
from which I dare not stray.

I wish
that someday
before I die
you would all just go away.

Forever.

Please?
.

A Haiku...

Most people are unaware that I have MAD Haiku skills. Really. I'm just so phenomenally modest that people haven't gotten this information yet. I'd like to share what I composed in my shower this morning:

My tub is moldy
It needs some bleach really bad
I wish I had slaves

See? Mad skills, man.
.