Friday, January 27, 2012

Attending the Cinema

I hate going to the movies. Seriously. Don't get me wrong, I love movies. I just hate going out and sitting with the dim-witted, ill mannered sweating masses in a theater.

There always seems to be some sort of ...incident.....for example:

Once upon a time I had to shoot a wedding for a friend in Logan, Utah, many hours from my home. We went as a family, because it was also the kick-off to a huge family vacation that we had been planning. While I was taking photos (boring for everyone except the bride and groom), Hubby took the kiddos to go see the newest Disney release (on it's opening weekend, generally a big mistake).

They arrived in plenty of time to get seats together, and since there was still time, Things One and Two decided to go explore the restrooms. When they returned, they found their seats occupied and decided to sit elsewhere.

A young woman and her caretaker had taken the seats. When they first sat down, my husband told them that the seats were taken. The young woman (who we will hereafter call Wilma) was obviously handicapped in some fashion, and her caretaker (hereafter known as Betty), couldn't get her to budge. Wilma didn't care whose seats they were, she was there to see WallE and no one was going to move her.

No big deal since Things One and Two were 18 and 16 years old, and sitting on their own was not a problem. This left seating thus: Betty in the aisle seat, then Wilma, Eclair, Hubby, Screamapillar and Luke Skywalker.

Apparently the movie was not entertainment enough for Wilma. She brought a toy with her to occupy her time, and enrich the moviegoing experience for everyone in a three foot radius. First she extracted a shoelace from her pocket. She then inserted the entire shoelace in her mouth and chewed on it for a while.

The shoelace came out of her mouth again, this time with a plan of action.

She firmly grasped the shoelace with the thumb and forefinger of her left hand, and began to swing it over her head, lasoo fashion. It was just long enough to nick Eclair in the head with every revolution. Eclair was quite alarmed by this, and decided that she wasn't too big to sit in her dad's lap for the entire movie after all.

Wilma apparently noticed that the seat next to her was vacant. So she let the shoelace lengthen a bit, until it was just long enough to now nick Hubby in the head with every revolution. Appeals to Wilma and Betty both were pointless. Wilma wanted to watch the movie with her spittle coated lasoo swinging overhead, and there was no way to stop her.

Hubby and Eclair spent the duration of the movie leaning as far to the side as possible, practically watching the movie sideways, in order to avoid the liquid shrapnel.

A good time was had by all. And, man, was I glad I wasn't there. Because I don't do well in crowded theaters surrounded by idiots. Hubby is FAR more patient than I.

I'll have to tell you about going to see the last Harry Potter movie and it's attending incidents later. Because I'm deeply engrossed in a huge project I gotta go finish, which I shall blog about later also....

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