(The following post was written about five weeks ago, during "rush" - when the students move in and out in droves at the end of summer term and the beginning of fall term. My brain was exhausted from the overload and this post got lost on my dashboard without being posted until today. Enjoy. I hope?)
Number of times I had to bite my tongue at work today because people are idiots.
I work at the local utility, and in case you didn't know (but I won't call YOU an idiot, you couldn't possibly be, because you're smart enough to be reading my blog, right?), when you MOVE AWAY or have some issue, you should CALL to tell us about changes or problems on your account. In case you missed the memo, we have been prohibited by the federal government from reading your mind anymore.
Here's a few gems from today:
"But I didn't know what to pay because I didn't get my bill."
What I said: "Your mailing address is apparently correct, and we haven't gotten anything back from the post office. Perhaps you should set up your internet account so you can get your statements in real time."
What I should have and would have LOVED to say: "The last time you made a payment was in April. It is now August. And you only got around to telling us about your missing bills after we turned your power off? Sounds like getting your mail is the LEAST of your problems!"
And then there are the people who don't. Know. Where. They. Live.
"It's a blue house, it's about a half block down from Taco Bell"
Other CRUCIAL information that you MUST have at your fingertips:
Your freaking NAME. Not your nickname, or your maiden name, your ACTUAL LEGAL NAME. I'll be running an identity check, so if you tell me "Bob" and you were too embarrassed to tell be it's really "Boris," I'm going to find out anyway...
Your real authentic social security number, not the one you bought off that guy that sells cards down by the gas station.
When you were born (or hatched, as it seems in some cases).
Let's not forget that "refundable deposit" means that your DEPOSIT is REFUNDABLE. So when I say, "You'll be charged a $75 refundable deposit," and you say "Will I get that back?" that you will automatically forfeit your deposit to me because of your sheer stupidity. M'kay?
And if I say that $56 is the "minimum payment to restore service" what I mean is that $56. Is. What you have to pay. Right now. Before we can restore your service. Which means turn your lights back on.
"I moved out a month ago, so can you stop billing me, like, maybe starting on August 1?"
Why yes, I'll just jump in my time machine and take care of that for you, you moron.