Dear Upcoming Holiday Season,
You are giving me stress already. I'm worried again I will fall short and not get anything done in time for Christmas. I won't get the lights up, or the tree up, or my presents completed. I will forget to get a gift for SOMEONE again, not sure who this time. I will compose the Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Falsehoods, and STILL not mail it out, because I'm already a month late getting our family picture taken. I am taking the easy way out again finding an awesome charity to donate to intead of making 3000 burnt cookies for the neighbors. For my co-workers and family, I'm going to have to go to the internet again for simple crafts I can make cheap and quick, and then I won't finish said crafts. Do you think that we could maybe postpone Christmas a week or two so I have a chance this year?
With undying gratitude,
Dear World Wide Web,
Thank you so much for the service you provide. Never have I had so many ways to kill time and accomplish nothing when I should really be cleaning my house. Who ever knew that I would rather read about Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage instead of the newest book by Orson Scott Card? I wouldn't, really, I try to avoid anything about celebrities whenever I can, but I got distracted when I was looking for ideas for Christmas gifts, and the next thing you know, I actually know the name of that poor guy she married.
A mother looking for LESS information
p.s. If Farmville were to mysteriously disappear (while I might initially appear to be very upset) it would be a good thing.
Our relationship is an interesting one. I love you, yet I hate you. I came to you looking for some Christmas craft ideas, then wandered around looking at what my friends have posted. Maybe if you would stop posting lovely things and sucking me into a vortex of wasted time looking at stuff that I love but can never have, I might be able to spend more time with you.
Until we meet again in five minutes,
Dear Friends who post awesome things on Pinterest for me to look at,
Stop it. Right NOW. Or I'm going to have to hurt you.