Wow. Dreams do come true... Actually, it says "FOR SALE OR RENT."
Here's a TOP TEN
"NEW NEIGHBOR DESIRABLE QUALITIES"
10. As many children as they can reasonably manage. And they need to reasonably manage them. I'd like to be able to use my gate (which is currently screwed shut top and bottom) without worrying that more windows will be broken while your children play in my backyard when I am not at home.
9. No unsupervised pets getting into my yard through holes in fence (created by unmanageable neighbor children) who will bite my children and have to be taken away by animal control because they've never had their shots (the pets, not my children. My kids have all had their rabies shots. Distemper and feline leukemia too.)
8. Kindness and consideration to all growing things. Like flowers. And trees. And grass. I'd like to have something green in my yard that is not destroyed and pulverized sometime before I die. My tulips are afraid. They refused to bloom this year.
7. Fruit from my trees should be eaten, not used to change the color of my house.
6. They need to have their own bikes, scooters and wagons. I can no longer afford to support the transportation needs of eight extra children. And please do not park your bicycles in my tree.
5. Curses written in sidewalk chalk on my porch and driveway should be spelled correctly.
4. I would appreciate a general decrease in the amount of sharing that goes on: keep your trash in your own yard. Or better yet, put it in your own trash can.
3. Stock your own infirmary. I should have bought stock in BandAid brand.
2. Make sure that your children have a ride to school BEFORE you leave for your pedicure. I have a job to go to after I drive your kids to school when they miss the bus and I don't like to be late.
1. Have half a brain, please? We don't want to have to put up this sign:
And Michelle? Please hurry up and finish nursing school so you can buy this house. Srsly.