Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Happy Hibernating Rodent Day.

It's a cruel holiday, actually. Take some innocent groundhog, invade his warm sleeping quarters and forcibly awaken him from his peaceful slumber. Thrust him out into the freezing cold, expose him to the harsh light of the winter sun, and let gawking morons exploit him on national television.

He ain't running from his shadow, folks.

Now I'm sure you've heard about Punxsutawny Phil. He's pretty famous. What you probably haven't heard about is the other groundhogs who make their living with five minutes of fame per year:

Wiarton Willie
Dunkirk Dave
Buckeye Chuck
Balzac Billy
Malverne Melissa
Shubenacadie Sam
and Octoraro Orphie

So apparently, in order to expose the poor rodent to more humiliation, you must give him a really awkward name (preferably one that no one can even pronounce).

The whole idea is pretty absurd. here's why (direct quote from Wikipedia):

"WKBW-TV meteorologist Mike Randall put it a different way: since there are always six more weeks of winter after Groundhog Day, and the concept of early spring in the astronomical sense simply does not exist, then whenever the groundhog sees its shadow and predicts six more weeks of winter, the groundhog is always right, but whenever it predicts an early spring, it is always wrong. The results have an approximate 80% rate of accuracy, the average percentage of times a groundhog sees its shadow."

So tomorrow, when Phil is makin' his prediction, remember this: there will be 6 more weeks of winter no matter what. Your pathetic little hope for an early spring? Futile and pointless. So scrub that plan you had, I know all about it. Lying in wait with a lasso to keep him from running away won't manipulate the weather in any way.

And if Phil says winter is over, he's a lying weasel.

1 comment:

Brittanie said...

hahahahaha. Well said.