Sunday, July 18, 2010

Top Ten things I have run over with my car

Late at night, driving through northern Arizona, we were pointing out wildlife. We saw fox, deer and racoons. Then Hubby yelled "Look kids! A rabbit!" right as we ran over one.

Pulled in to Moab during a very hot summer. Then a terrible racket came from under the car. Pulled over in a panic. Discovered that the "tar" they paint on the road cracks had stuck to all four tires, and was slapping against the wheel wells with every rotation.

The playpen. I had leaned it against the trunk before putting babes into car seats. I then forgot to put it in the trunk and backed over it instead.

During the "Epic Road Trip Vacation of '08" we ran over 9 states lines in 9 days.

Returning from a visit to a friend in Visalia on state road 155 thru Wofford Heights to the cabin in Kernville (never make my mistake and take this road. Never.). Late at night. Driving my dad's 280 ZX (which means I'm nearly lying down to drive and can barely reach the clutch). For some unknown reason there are literally HUNDREDS of mice crossing the road for a stretch about 7 miles long. I estimate I killed more than half of them.

My own timing belt. Don't ask. I'm still recovering.

My own shoes. I was at the beach, okay? Took them off to get the sand off my feet before driving, right? Just forgot to put them back on again.

On the way to Yellowstone I drove through a swarm of locust. They were everywhere. As their green guts plastered my windshield, Hubby leans forward with a tortilla chip and exclaims: "Guacamole!"

Those ingenious industrious neighbor kids! You know, the same ones who lit the gas can on fire and made a crater in the street? They built a bike ramp. With enough nails to construct a four bedroom home. They left this ramp at the end of my driveway. And I backed over it. And got a flat tire. Thank you, neighbor kids.

On the "Epic Road Trip of '08" we went to Nauvoo. As we were leaving to come back home, we had to cross the Mississippi (AGAIN - 8th time?). As I am approaching the bridge, I see a really big turtle. With all my vast experience running over beings who apparently have no better life's goal than to become roadkill, I think to myself, "It's going that way, so I had better swerve this way." Too late does it really register that "IT'S A TURTLE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, IT AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO RUN OVER IT, YOU IDIOT!"
So, yeah. I'm a turtle murderer.
My swerve only ensured that I would run it over quite squarely. No chance of a miss.
It was gruesome. And my children will never forgive me.

Goodbye forever, followers.


Ellie said...

I always smile as I read your posts! Just after I turned 16 I was driving in the mountains and ran over a squirrel that was dead and bloated. It popped. I've never been the same.

Julie said...

Ellie you made me laugh out loud. For real. You never forget a moment like that I suppose (the incident with the mice happened when I was 18, and I'm turning 44 this week).

And just for the record, I'm coveting your salad garden, big time.

Alicia said...

I love it! Made me relive all of my own...tragedies... =)

Amadeus Mozart said...

Good thing I wasn't drinking rootbeer, or it would have been ALL over the screen.