Friday, April 22, 2011


Dear Eclair,

I'm so glad that  you have made friends with that nice crossing guard at school. But would you please stop missing the bus on purpose just so you can borrow his cell phone? Thanks.

Love, Mommy

Dear Thing Two,

I so enjoyed getting two phone calls and two text messages from you yesterday. That is more communication than we have had in years. Funny thing, how since you moved out and are doing your own laundry and grocery shopping and such, all the sudden I'm not looking like a complete moron anymore. Life is good.

Love, Your Mama Who Carried Your Stubborn Little Self for 42 Weeks in the Womb

Dear Mother Nature,

Today is April 22nd. The weatherman says it's going to snow. Again. Please tell me you're just messin' with him?

Sincerely, Weary of the Cold

Dear College Student Customer on the phone at work,

Yes, I'd be happy to create your first utility account for you. But you do need to know a little bit more about where you live, because "that blue house kinda by Arby's" doesn't really help me to locate your meter. It would also really help if you knew your own social security number, and if your mommy didn't call in for you (you are over 18 now, right?). And yes, everyone who has no credit has to pay a deposit, get used to it if you ever plan to grow up, k?

Thank you, Customer Service Representative

Dear Screamapillar,

There is a reason God created the nighttime. It was so you would sleep. Not talk to boys on the phone until 2am. Especially after your very full day that goes like this: 6:30 am Early morning seminary, 8 classes at school followed by track practice until 5pm, followed by concerts, dinner, church activities, parties, shopping and facebooking. Please, you need some sleep. Because you can I say it? Unpleasant. When you are tired.

Love you anyway, Mother

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