Monday, December 31, 2012

The annual epistle of exaggeration and outright falsehood, 2012

Yes, I know it's New Year's Eve (again), but we were just so busy with our globe-trotting and investing our millions of dollars that I was unable to get my personal assistant on the task of writing this for me...

2012 was, truthfully, a very full year.VERY VERY FULL, I proclaim.

Thing One landed a spouse. We call him Hot Latin Guy. I knew it was over the first time he came to the door.... After a whirlwind engagement (they gave me TWO MONTHS!!! ONLY TWO MONTHS TO PLAN AN ENTIRE WEDDING!!!) they married in the Manti Utah temple at the end of July. They're currently living in a 4000 square foot mansion (basement apartment) in Cedar Hills (Spanish Fork) where they have already blessed me with three grandchildren (grandkittens? is that a word?). They are adjusting well to the luxuries (ha!) of newlywed life. I am adjusting (joyfully) to getting another son (who unfortunately, makes the other two look like terrible slackers, btw). We miss them tons, and wish they would come hang out on our couch for hours on end like they used to.

Thing Two got a promotion to General Manager at the movie theater (projectionist, actually)!!! He's bringing in six figures (um...much more that minimum wage, at least), and has started looking at his options in earnest. He finally managed to find enough time to get his pilot's (driver's) license, and enjoying the new found freedoms that such a license provides. He is tooling about town in his newest acquisition, a vintage Ferrari Testarossa (1994 Ford Aspire) and has learned much (absolutely tons) of the workings (and repair) of the internal combustion engine.His adorable girlfriend is still in the picture (as we continue to be kind to the boy and not let her in on his true dorky nature), although we still don't get to see her often enough.

Screamapillar continues to be SOO so so so busy. She discovered Drama this year, landing ALL of the leading roles in PHS's production of Les Miserables (well, she was a beggar person who hold's Jean Valjean's coat while he's doing stuff, and she was a prostitute, and I should probably just stop there....she did land an actual lead in the upcoming Spring play, but I'll tell you about that in next year's letter as it hasn't happened quite yet). I won't need to exaggerate about the dating, my goodness, SO MANY BOYS to keep track of. I suppose I should be grateful for variety. She will be graduating this year, and moving on to Harvard or Yale (BYU or BYU-I) next fall. She hasn't found the need to get her driver's license yet, as she has the use of a personal jet pack, invented by Luke Skywalker (she's a first-rate ride moocher).

Luke Skywalker has spent the year (un)productively. He upgraded his living quarters (got a room with an actual door and a queen size bed - I think there's carpet in there, but I'd have to actually be able to see it to be sure). He excels in Science, and continues to enjoy blowing things up (man, if he grows up to be a unabomber, I'm really going to regret all these "blowing things up" remarks). In his spare time, he dabbles with gourmet cooking (he can make a whole bunch of actual food, people) and I have come to rely on him quite a lot this last year with my busy schedule. He has a driver's license now (in his dreams) and an iphone 5 (also in his dreams - he does actually have Thing Two's old phone, with which he can dial 911 any time he needs to). He has great hopes of ruling the world someday.

Eclair has had a busy year also. In January and February she earned her black belt in just five lessons of karate class. In March, she was eaten by a dinosaur. in April, she scaled a waterfall unassisted. In May, she sang in a concert and viewed an eclipse. In June, she ran the entire household while all the other girls were gone to California for a wedding. In July, she was the life of the party and the prettiest flower girl ever at Thing One's wedding. In August, she built a theater in the backyard for a birthday movie night. In September, she took a ride on a UFO, and petted a steer. In October, snakes grew from her head, and she transformed into a creature from Greek mythology. In November, she became an aunt to three kittens, cut off all her hair, and tried to move in with Thing One and Hot Latin Guy. In December, she caught Santa in the act on Christmas Eve. (EVERY BIT of this is true - although I must admit that the "black belt" was actually white under all the electrical tape...)

Lots of other good stuff happened. I relocated and got a promotion at work (or maybe you'd call it an "elevation" since we just moved offices from the first floor at one building to the second floor or another...). I also have the absolute best calling in the history of the Church (assistant nursery leader - sitting around reading, playing and singing with 9 adorable little ones every Sunday). Hubby hasn't got it so easy, but he needed a new challenge anyway. Last year he added some valuable skills to his resume (Screamapillar taught him how to text) and he will be investing more time this year continuing his education (he got a new iphone and will be trained by the children in how to properly use it).

Gabby and Pedro and their parents left us at the end of July (thus the two month engagement, had to get them married before our other flower girl moved away). We miss them TONS! Gabby, tell your daddy that he doesn't need to go to medical school, but should move back here and manage a Taco Bell instead.

We miss our Misty, who passed away in November. Muffin and Gus have stepped up the fighting in an effort to fill the void. Teaching the cats to use the dog door in Misty's absence has proved unfruitful. Like true cats, they must wait for a human to serve them by opening all necessary doors. 

We have been blessed in 2012, and look forward to an even more eventful and fun 2013.

Merry (late) Christmas and Happy New Year!

with love from the insane Roper family

No comments: