Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Once upon a time many many years ago, in a land where no one had ever heard of Barak Obama, there was a book. One book, not a trilogy, mind you. My teenage daughter read this book and said, "Mom, you might like this."

Ever since a friend of mine told me she reads everything her kids read (thanks VitaGirl) in order to properly stalk her own children, I have done the same. And I have found some very good reads as a result.

Back to this book: this lone book for young adult readers. She didn't tell me anything about it, and I read it. And thoroughly enjoyed it. I was surprised to find it was about vampires. No one else I knew had read it and spoiled it for me. This book was followed by a second book, equally riveting. Wasn't quite expecting werewolves.

Unfortunately, by the time the third book came out, the masses had discovered it, and ruined that twilight world for us both. It was only made worse when they made a movie out of it. A BAD MOVIE. Why is it that Hollywood takes really good books and makes them into really bad movies? Why, Stephanie, why did you let them? Why is Bella an emotionless hack? Why is does Edward look like the LAST guy you would want to go to prom with? And Jacob....well even this old lady can say Jacob is hot, but he can't save the movie by himself, now, can he?

And, Stephanie, why didn't you make the books just a little harder to read so the bimbos wouldn't be interested? Use just a few more BIG WORDS to scare them off next time, would you? Thing One is with me on this one, Steph. And she was one of the FIRST to read the book when it first came out.

And now the third movie is about to be released. And poor Thing One, she works in a movie theater.

She just sent me this text message from work:

"Dear Diary. Today I get to fulfill my life's dream of selling twilight merchandise to screaming teenage girls. Mah life, it is complete (NOT).

followed by:

"I am in the box office with two Jacob Black standees. Creepy."

Poor child. Never, in her wildest dreams five years ago could she have imagined this scenario. Neither could I.

Now, when I have nightmares, it's not the vampires or werewolves that scare me, it's the SCREAMING TEENAGE GIRLS.

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